With the gun to my head and our eyes locked the whole time, I crawled on top of him, straddled him.
“What was your plan, Little One?” His tone and facial expression were stern. He was naked, and his hard cock was leaking his juices, drops here and there, wetting my inner thigh.While holding the gun to my forehead still, he jerked his cock with his other hand, then placed it inside me. Several short gasps and whimpers escaped my mouth. For once, I was not wet. A small win that came too late in my life. “I’ve never fucked a dead girl before.”
“Sir—”
“Tell me. Were you going to jump out that window?” He jutted his head toward the window.
“Uhm… I’m—My plan was to die… after killing you. Sir.”
He pushed the barrel harder against my forehead. I was sure it was marking my skin. “Let’s settle this. Are you still wanting to die? You’ve had two attempts in the last six hours.” I closed my eyes, waiting for him to shoot me, fuck me, or both. It was what I should’ve wanted after all he’d done to me—to die. There was nothing I hated inside me more than the will to live. It was insufferable. How could I convince it that this was no way to live, that there was nothing left for me, no way out? The truth was, I hadn’t been living since prom night, or even since Killian disappeared.
It’s better this way. I’ll be free,I tried to convince myself, but my body refused to cooperate. All my instincts were against it. No matter how I tried to reprogram my thoughts, I was too terrified of the pain the bullet would bring with it. Several times, I started saying yes, but my voice would not work. His eyes kept swerving from one of my eyes to the other, waiting, studying me.
Without reason, amemory of the night of the fire popped into my head. When we were all sitting around the table, joking and teasing each other. It’d been so nice to see them again. My heart ached for them so badly I placed my palm on my chest. I didn’t want to show him my fear, my sadness, but a hiccup of a cry escaped me.
“Do you ask this of all your slaves?”
“No. Now answer the question.”
“Then why me? You told me I wasn’t special.”
“You’re not special in any way, but youarethe first totryto kill me, baby girl. You’ve earned it.” A silent heavy moment passed. “Look at me, Little One.”
I swallowed hard, then breathed through my mouth, not yet successful at convincing myself to beg him to kill me, then complied.
“Do you want me to kill you? I can do that for you. I can end it right here, right now. Say the word, and I’ll pull the trigger.”
An agonizing battle coursed through my mind.End it. Please end it.
I can’t.“No,” I answered before I’d willed myself either way.
He removed the gun from my forehead. I heard a click, then he disengaged it. Already, I regretted it. He’d offered me a way out, and I said no. Why?Stupid, stupid girl.Tears brimmed my eyes. The thought of having to continue living this life was tormenting. He placed the parts of the gun beside us on the bed, and I crumbled.
I’d had a way out. What had I done? I had condemned myself to this place, to this torture.
“Shhhh… It’s okay. Com’ere.” As natural as the chilly, rainy autumn storms, I collapsed into his embrace. I lifted myself so is cock would slip out. Inexplicably, he hugged me and allowed me to sob with my head on his shoulder as if he understood the hell I’d just experienced.
“I’m not going to hurt you. I knew you’d do it. I was counting on it. You’ve been a ghost the past two months. It’s as if the real you woke up today. So defiant. Fighting me every step of the way. I actually think it looks beautiful on you, the defiance, the passion. Most girls get here and within a week, they just lose all the light in their eyes, do everything I command, exactly how I tell them. But you, you just tried to kill me. It’s ... fun.” Hecupped my face, lifting it so I would look at him again. “You’re so brave.” His lips barely touched mine.
That’s the least of what I was. I was a fucking coward who was stupid enough to be more afraid of the pain one bullet could cause for a couple of seconds versus a lifetime of rape and torture. There had already been many moments of self-hatred in this place, but none were as powerful as that one. It’d been the worst betrayal ever.
Snot and tears trailed down, but he didn’t give a fuck, he placed short kisses everywhere. “I can’t do this. I can’t… I can’t… I can’t…” I repeated between wailings.
“Yes, you can. I promise you, you can. You’ll find a way.”
“Kill me. Kill me now, please ... Sir.”
“No. You don’t really want it. You’re just scared.” This time, he kissed me with a possession beyond being his slave to sell. He claimed me as if he were telling death, it couldn’t have me. I’d never been romantically kissed before. Did he know that? “It angers me how beautiful you are.”Kiss.“It’s so hard, isn’t it?”
“What?”
“Everyone wants to be attractive without bearing the consequences of it. The way the other girls throughout your life must have hated you for it. The way men think you owe yourself to them…” He paused. “You drove him to insanity, you know that?”
“Who?”
“Mael. Even his twin brother, Callum… At first, it might have been about revenge, sure, but the obsession…” He shook his head. “It spoiled as fast as milk. Callum never gave a fuck about Mael, not that much anyway.” His nails caressed my arms so lightly goosebumps rose in their wake.
“I had never met him before. I thought ... When I first saw him, I thought it was Mael’s ghost. I thought I was hallucinating.”
