He was just a crush.
Just a crush.
KILLIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know why I can’t let him go. God help me. I just can’t.
Magdalena 20 years old, End of November
Dear Diary
I talked to a new therapist. I don’t remember how, but I managed to stop. There are no happy endings to this love story. Killian disappeared and that’s that.
They say when you lose someone, you go through the stages of grief, and that’s exactly what I’ve been through. I’ve been searching for him for so long that now Ifeel guilty for giving up. Hell, I don’t even know what to do with my free time, except work like some maniac. But I need to move on with my life, let him go. Obviously, that’s what he wants.
Magdalena 20 years old, March
Dear Diary
It has been quite a while, over a year, to be more precise. Next week, I’m graduating and starting work at the same place I’ve been doing my internships since the first summer. It feels like home.
I’ve been focusing on my studies, and although I feel even more alone than ever, I still don’t trust anyone or to put it more clearly, I don’t trustmyself with anyone. I don’t really like people, and I hardly ever understand them. I think by watching them so much, I can tell how they will react to certain situations, but there are many things they do that I don’t get. Most of the time, I feel like an alien.
Wish me luck.
Magdalena 21 years old, May
18. The Fire
MAGDALENA
TWENTY-THREE YEARS OLD
Mom: Are you really almost here?
Me: Yes.
I chuckled at her excitement. It was worse than my siblings’.
Ember: I can’t wait to you get here so that we can hang. I’m reading these romance books now. And they are all so hot. I think you’ll like them. I go through them so fast. I just finished one this morning. How long are you staying?
Dad, who’d picked me up from the airport, met my amusement with a smile as he turned the steering wheel to drive the last mile before their house. With all the work it’d taken to get our parliament member barely elected, I hadn’t been able to visit my family for two years. I’d gotten used to not doing it too. There was a mix of happiness, feeling at home, and a hollowness full of anxiety in the pit of my stomach at the same time.
“She’s over-the-moon excited,” he warned me.
“I am too. You’re not gonna go work day and night on us, right?”
Not meeting my gaze, his brow tensed, and the smile left his face as he focused on the road.
I gasped at the silence. “Are you kidding me? Dad, you can’t do this. I’m only staying here a few weeks and then I have zero idea when I’ll be able to see you guys again. This job is demanding as hell.”
“I just need to finish something tonight, angel, and then I’m all yours. I promise. Maybe we can go to Bilbao and see the museum.”
“Jesus, Dad. You need to retire already.”
“What? No. I like my job. Keeps me busy. I help people.” He shrugged.
“Yeah, but I bet now that the twins are all grown up, Mom is basically all alone at home just waiting for you all day and night, right?”
