And didn’t Dylan know it too. It was the most ridiculous thing to be jealous of a dead man. Dylan would give anything to have Rae speak ofhimso lovingly.
“But what if it makes him miss her more?”
“Be honest that she’s trying to get well—no, don’t look like that. Do you really think deep down inside she doesn’t want to get better so she can be a mom to her boy again?”
“Maybe deep down inside, if the drugs haven’t killed it. The difference between Nora and Mike is she’s choosing to stay away. How do you explain that to a four-year-old?”
“I am sorry.” Rae rested her head on his arm. “But there is a chance shecanbeat this someday, and you want to have Jayden prepared in case it happens.”
“And what if she never does,” Dylan asked, wishing he dared to put his arm around her shoulders, “and he spends his entire childhood waiting for a mother whose addiction is always more powerful than her love for her son?”
“I wish I knew the perfect answer,” she said, “but I feel strongly that his memories of his mother should be positive.”
Dylan’s mind conjured a picture of his little dude at the window during their first weeks together, looking for the mother who never came. It was hard to stay positive when faced with the hurt and disappointment on Jayden’s face. But Rae’s words had truth in them that Dylan couldn’t deny. He had to find a balance between doing the very best for both his sister and her son.
“You’re right. I’ve let myself get discouraged. I’ll do better.”
“You’re doing fine. I haven’t met a finer man than you, Dylan.”
Rae straightened and met his gaze. She was so beautiful. Her rich brown eyes seemed to draw him in. He loved the way she smelled, a combination of her shampoo, the perfume she liked, and baking. Dylan’s gaze dropped to her lips as she licked them. The earlier thrumming of attraction surged through him, and he forgot himself. He leaned in with every intention of kissing that luscious mouth.
What if you ruin your friendship?
At the thought, Dylan shifted and kissed her cheek instead. “Thank you.” He pulled back and faced his laptop again. “That means a lot to me. It’s not like I had much experience with kids before Jayden came to live with me. You’ve helped a lot.” Forcing his hands not to shake at the near-miss, he started typing again.
Rae hesitated a moment before turning back to her own computer. Had she read his intent? She knew him really well, and he had a hard time hiding things from her. Had he wrecked it?
“How can they match people based on some of these questions?” she finally asked, sounding a little frustrated. “I’ve known plenty of guys who thought they were a gift to women.”
“And they weren’t.”
“Well, they sure weren’t forthiswoman. Of course, I’m not into middle-aged, balding men with pot bellies who think they’re all the rage.” A funny look crossed her face. “That wasn’t very nice. Just because I don’t find someone attractive doesn't mean no one else would.”
“What kind of mendoyou find attractive?” Dylan tried to keep his voice level like he was only casually interested.
* * *
You!I find you attractive, Dylan Rademaker. And I can’t!
Rae pressed her lips together to keep from crying out the words, her face going warm. For a second there, she’d been sure he was about to kiss her. The outrageous idea, instead of blowing her away like it should have, had sent an unexpected thrill through her.
How could a couple of seconds of looking into his eyes have flipped her world upside down? He’d been about to give her a friendly,brotherlypeck, and she’d been ready to lay a big one on him.
She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. Since her disastrous birthday last year, he’d become the dearest of friends. She could talk with him about almost anything. Their lives had become intertwined in every way. At the moment, they were like a family without the complication of a romance.
Still, she couldn’t deny she’dwantedDylan to kiss her. Amelia was right. Rae must be coming alive again, and poor Dylan had been in the wrong place when she’d felt the first stirrings. She wouldn’t risk what they had because she’d been tempted to kiss him. Even if he reciprocated those feelings, it wouldn’t work. Rae wouldnotallow herself to get involved. With anyone.
“I think what I find attractive comes from inside,” Rae said, keeping her voice level, “and I can only see that by getting to know someone well. People are sometimes gorgeous on the outside but have no personalities at all. There was one guy in high school who was like that—really good looking, varsity quarterback, one of the popular kids. My best friend crushed on him, but she didn’t look like one of the cheerleaders. He never gave her a second glance. Instead, she became good friends with his sidekick.”
“That was kind of creepy,” Dylan said, pausing in his typing.
“Not really. She wasn’t trying to become the sidekick’s girlfriend so she could get close to the hottie.” When Dylan scowled, Rae gave a soft chuckle. “The quarterback really was handsome, but my friend said once she got to know him better she found out his looks were the only thing he had going for him. He got a zero in the personality department. The average-looking sidekick, however, oozed it.”
“So, you’re saying attractive people don’t have to develop good personalities because they can get by on their looks?”
“Well, it’d be grossly unfair to say that about all attractive people, so no, but I’ve known some people it fits. My grandmother used to tell me anyone can be attractive if they spend some time on their appearance and are clean. Of course, she also told me I looked unfinished.”
“Unfinished?” Dylan gave a gratifyingly insulted scowl. “You don’t look unfinished.”
