“I love you too, Dylan.” The words came out in a flat tone, like something inside her had broken and was causing her terrible pain.
She’d said the words he’d been longing to hear for months, but her tone and the expression on her face filled him with dread instead of joy. Maybe she hadn’t understood what he meant.
“No. I’minlove with you, Rae.Iwant to be the one taking you out on dates.Iwant to be the one you spend your life with, share the raising of your children with.”
Dylan cupped her cheek. She closed her eyes again and rested it against his hand. His heart galloped. His patience was paying off. With his thumb, he gently lifted her chin. He moved closer until he could feel her warm breath and smell the cinnamon from her baking, waiting to see if she pulled back. When she didn’t, he brushed her lips with his, soft at first and then letting his desire show.
Rae slid her arms up his chest and around his neck, pulling him closer. Heat and electricity coursed through him.Yes. She loved him too. He thought he might explode with happiness. Rae had become the center of his world, and the feel of her in his arms completed him.
Dylan deepened the kiss, and it seemed to ignite her too. She pulled him closer, an almost desperate intensity in the way she ran her hands through his hair. She loved him; she wanted him. Dylan kissed her mouth, her cheek, and then her neck.
Only then did he feel moisture and realized she was crying. He lifted his head, and she opened her now tortured eyes. His gut twisted.
“I can’t get involved, Dylan,” Rae said, her tone sounding dead now, all signs of the earlier fire gone. “I won’t remarry, so I can’t give you what you want.” Her voice cracked, and she tore herself from his arms.
“I don’t understand,” he said. “I love you. You love me. I want to marry you.”
“Ican’t.” She lifted Beth from the couch, the little girl not waking. “You don’t have to take Jayden with you. He’ll be fine to stay the night.”
Dylan reached for Rae, but she stepped back, holding Beth against her like a barrier. To keep him away.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he said, his voice sounding dead now.
Rae’s eyes widened, fear in her expression. “What do you mean?”
“Did you not hear what I said?” he asked, disbelieving. “I can’tjustbe your friend anymore. This is killing me.”
“Dylan, I never meant to hurt you, but I can’t get involved with anyone, not even you.” Her voice broke on the last word, and her eyes pleaded with him.
A terrible sense of defeat settled on him, and he thought he saw her for the first time. The bile at the back of his throat tasted bitter.
“All these months you’ve happily taken everything I’ve offered you. You claim to love me, but you say you can’t get involved with me.” Dylan’s voice turned hard. “You mean youwon’t. There’s a difference.” His heart ached as he bounded up the stairs to Preston’s bedroom.
“Hey, little dude,” Dylan said softly as he shook his nephew. “It’s time to get you home to your own bed.”
Rae was standing in the bedroom doorway, still holding Beth, when Dylan turned around with Jayden in his arms.
“I won’t be troubling you anymore.”
“No, please, Dylan. Not like this,” she whispered as he brushed past her.
He paused but didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He went down Rae’s apartment stairs and out her door.
Out of her life.
* * *
Still in shock,Rae stared at the empty bedroom doorway. Beth stirred, pulling Rae back to herself. She took her daughter to her bedroom and settled her for the night.
Rae slowly made her way downstairs to check the door. Of course Dylan had locked it. Even in his anger and frustration, he’d never do anything to put her and the children in danger.
Numbly, she sank onto the couch. She put a hand to her lips and could still smell his aftershave. After all this time, she’d given in and kissed him. It had been amazing. Dylan had said he loved her, wanted to marry her. The memory of the expression on his face twisted her heart.
He’d also said he couldn’t just be her friend. Had he meant it? Would he refuse her friendship if she couldn’t give him more?
More. How she wanted a world where there could be more between them. What was she going to do? Dylan Rademaker, with her children, was the center of her life. How could she carry on without him?
A sense of loss as powerful as the one she’d experienced a year ago when Mike had died threatened to overwhelm her. Rae leaned over on the couch and cried.
