Tentatively, he took it, not sure he wanted to read it. Would his sister’s final words be full of accusations? He glanced at his father, struck again by the gaunt, hollow look to his face. He nodded, and Dylan took out the piece of paper.
Father, I’m sorry I was never the daughter you wanted. Ididtry but everything I did went wrong and disappointed you more instead. Jayden is the only thing I’ve done right in my life, and you even think he’s a mistake. You’re wrong. Please don’t punish him for my mistakes. At least he has Dylan.
It was signed Nora. While not exactly a suicide note, his sister had known her end was near. He was glad his father had kept it to himself until now. Dylan didn’t know what to say, so he folded up the note and slid it back into the envelope.
He didn’t want to give it back. Someday, when Jayden was much older, he might like to know how his mother had felt about him. Dylan wished it wasn’t mixed with condemnation of their father in the same sentence.
“She’s right, you know, about Jayden. He’s a great kid.”
“I’m releasing your trust fund to you,” his father said, watching as the cemetery workers filled the grave with dirt. “Feel free to buy your pest control company. I don’t want to ruin your life too.”
Dylan scowled at the bitter tone in his father’s voice. He’d admitted he was wrong, but it didn’t feel like he’d taken accountability.
“You can’t ruin my life because I won’t let you. I’ve never been as vulnerable as Nora. I hope you’ll try harder to connect with your only grandchild.” Dylan swallowed and forced his voice to remain calm as he said, “Do you mind if I keep the note for Jayden?”
His father looked at Dylan for the first time, a crease between his brows. “I don’t want him to think badly of me.”
“I have no idea if I’ll ever show it to him, but he’s had both of his parents abandon him. It might be good for Jayden sometime in the future to know how much his mother loved him.” Dylan gave his father a sad smile. “It’s your choice whether or not you want to give him happy memories of you to counter what’s written in the note. Now I need to go be with Rae. Today’s the one-year anniversary of her husband’s death.” He hesitated but then gave his father a quick hug and strode away.
Mike Cavanaugh’s grave was on the other side of the cemetery. Dylan had gone with Rae once a month for nearly a year, so he knew exactly where to go. He spotted Beth first who was chasing a butterfly in the grass while the Littles looked to be playing a game of tag.
“You three be respectful.” Dylan approached Rae, who knelt before the grave, her hands clasped on her lap. She glanced up at him, her eyes glistening.
He knelt beside her, and she reached out a cold hand to grasp his. What was she feeling? He expected Rae to sob like she had the first few times he’d accompanied her here. She didn’t, only a few tears slowly running down her cheeks.
“He was a good man,” she said. “I was devastated when he was taken from us. At first, I didn’t know how I could go on. If it hadn’t been for the children, it’d have been easy to surrender to my grief, let it swallow me up.” Sniffing, she glanced at Dylan. “And then you and Jayden came into our lives. I don’t know if you have any idea how much you’ve helped me get through this year. The two of you needed us as much as we needed you, I think.”
“We did, believe me.” Dylan brought her hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss on it. “You’ve been like the mother Jayden has needed, and Beth and Preston have been the brother and sister he’s always wanted.”
“And you’ve been like a father to my childrenanda pillar of strength for me. Thank you.”
“Mama,” Preston asked, coming to stand beside her and putting his hand on her shoulder, “can Daddy see us in heaven?”
“I like to think he can, that he’s watching over us and making sure we’re happy.”
“Is your daddy like a guardian angel?” Jayden asked coming up beside Preston who smiled at the question, as though he liked the idea. Jayden said, “I want my mom to be my guardian angel.”
“Your mother loved you very much, little dude,” Dylan said, pulling the boy into a hug. “Aunt Amelia is always talking about Heaven and what a wonderful place it is. I’m sure your mother’s there and loving her new job as your guardian angel.” His throat tightened as he said the last words.
“I’m hungry,” Beth whined.
“I want pizza,” the Littles cried together and started dancing around.
“Pizza,” Beth said, joining them.
Rae handed Dylan a tissue and used one on her eyes, saying, “Life carries on.”
“Sometimes it seems wrong, but that’s true. Life does carry on.” He rose and extended a hand to help her to her feet.
12
Rae drove up to the restaurant, feeling a little weary. The summer was almost over, and school would start next week for Preston. She’d been doing this dating thing for months now. It hadn’t been a complete waste of time. She’d gotten to know a few guys who hadn’t minded having Dylan come along on group dates. And if she and he hadn’t gone on that first-date together, Cynthia and Ruben might not have met. They’d announced their engagement the week before.
As much as Amelia’s interference was well meant, Rae hadn’t changed her mind. The dating thing wasn’t the kind of socializing she wanted to do. She’d been thinking more and more about taking an easy community education class. She might even check into what it took to teach one on cake decorating eventually—as long as it didn’t take too much time away from her family.
Rae knew a lot of people who put up with their children, but shelikedhers. Yes, they were young, and they sometimes got on her nerves, but she loved spending time with them.
Her children were only going to be young for a few short years. She wanted to savor that time. Right now, they wanted her attention,neededit. In a few years, they’d start to pull away from her and have friends away from home. It’d been nine years since she’d graduated from high school, and those years had flown by. In nine more years, Preston would be fourteen.
