He lifts me slightly, just enough that my toes leave the ground for a heartbeat. When he sets me back down, he kisses my forehead, my cheeks, the corners of my mouth, each one slow and reverent.
"You sure?" he asks against my skin, voice raw.
I hold his face between my hands. "I've never been more sure about anything."
26
LENA
I wake up before my alarm, which is kind of disappointing because today is one of the few days in my life where I'm allowed to be tired on purpose. Jace is sound asleep across the hallway. The sunshine on my windowsill is like butter and the same shade of soft gold. I lie there for a minute and stare at the ceiling, letting the reality land.
I'm getting married today.
If you'd told me that a year ago, I would've laughed in your face and then cried in my car for no reason, which is how I processed most emotions back then. Now I just breathe and let it sit in my chest.
I roll onto my side and look at the other half of the bed. Gabe isn't here. He didn't sleep over, not because we're acting brand-new, but because we agreed we'd do it the old-fashioned way for one night. He said he wanted to feel that first look again, clean and sharp. I told him he was being dramatic. He told me to stop smiling if I meant that.
I'm still smiling.
My phone lights up on the nightstand.
Gabe: You awake?
Me: Yes.
Gabe: I'm already dressed. Don't laugh.
Me: I'm going to laugh.
Gabe: If you laugh, I'm kissing you in front of everyone the second I see you.
Me: You act like that's a punishment.
Three dots appear, then vanish, then appear again.
Gabe: I'm serious, Lena.
I stare at the message, and for a second, I see the man he used to be when he first came back. The one who kept everything locked up tight. The one who thought loving someone was the same as giving them a weapon.
He's not that person anymore.
Neither am I.
Me: I won't laugh. I'll save it for later. I love you.
The reply comes fast.
Gabe: I love you more. I'm on my way to pick up Jace in an hour. I promised him donuts. Don't fight me on it.
I type,Fine, then delete it and type,Get him the sprinkle one, because I'm still his mom and I still have standards.
I push out of bed and pull on my robe. My dress is hanging on the closet door in a garment bag. It isn't huge or shiny but it makes me feel like myself, which is the only thing I wanted.
The kitchen smells faintly like coffee because I set the machine last night like an adult who has learned from her own suffering. I pour a mug and stand at the counter, trying to drink without thinking about every choice I ever made that got me here.
That's the thing about life. Everything can go wrong and you'll still keep going. Your heart can be broken, but you'll still wake up the next morning and pack lunches and answer emails. You can carry a kid on your hip and shame in your chest at the same time— and you can build a life in bits and pieces, and it'll still be yours and therefore, amazing.
I hear a soft thump from Jace's room, then the familiar little feet.
