My heart stutters then slams against my ribs.Ah. There it is.
He's testing me. Deliberately pushing buttons to see which ones make me flinch, what truths I'll accidentally spill. The realization sends equal parts excitement and terror coursing through my veins.He's figured it out.Or he thinks he has. He's fishing for confirmation, trying to catch me in a reveal I'm not ready to make. And God, as certain as I am about who's been receiving my messages, the one person who understands me in ways that terrify me, who responds like he can read between every line I write, I've doubted it just as fiercely. Hope isdangerous. Hope has teeth. And every single time I've let myself believe in something good, it's turned around and gutted me.
His eyes don't leave mine, waiting. Watching.
I stand, my chair screeching across the floor, my face giving away nothing before I turn my gaze back to Eldridge. "I can't do phones."
"You're Student Council VP, and phone duty is on your schedule tonight," Trigg says, his voice tinged with a hint of annoyance at my defiance.
"And I'm delegating. That's what good leaders do." And because Eldridge owes me, I keep my eyes locked on his when I say, "Is this going to be a problem, Eldridge?"
"No." His eyebrows rise, and I know he hears the finality in my question. I'm not asking. I've kept his little ruse to deceive me quiet. Not once have I brought it up, but he's aware I know every sordid detail of how he attempted to portray himself as someone he wasn't. "Emma can help me."
I roll my lips at the mention of his sister's name, who I know is sitting to his left, but I'm currently refusing to acknowledge her existence.
He stutters, "Or Martin. I'll ask Martin."
"Great," I say, grabbing my stuff off the table in one swoop before heading toward the door. "See you guys tonight," I say without glancing back.
"The meeting hasn't been adjourned," Trigger calls out behind me.
I don't validate his comment with a response. I can’t. I need air. My heart pounds as I push through the door, and I hate that it's racing. I hate that, even now, walking away from him, all I can think about is the way he looked at me when he asked if I was catching feelings. Like he cared. Like it mattered to him. It's ridiculous. He pushes every button I have, gets under my skin in ways no one else can. But that's the problem, isn't it? No one elsecan. And as much as I hate the way he makes me feel off-balance and defensive and alive, I like it. God help me, I like it.
I've just stepped outside when I hear the sound of the school door pushing open behind me. "Asha, wait up," Eldridge calls after me.
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear as I wait at the top of the steps. "What do you want, Eldridge?" I can't help the tinge of annoyance that carries in my tone.
"I know you're mad at me, but don't be mad at Emma. I messed up. She was only trying to help me.”
"You guys both lied to me," I state firmly, holding his gaze so there's no mistake, no way for him to twist the meaning.
"I know." He exhales a sigh of regret. "But you have to understand. I didn't know another way. I wanted to get to know you on a deeper level and…" He averts his gaze before adding, "You're not exactly approachable."
"That's a cop-out," I say before turning on my heel and starting down the steps.
"Asha, hear me out." He follows in step beside me.
"I heard all I needed to hear," I say coldly, my arms crossed tight over my chest. "You, of all people, don't get to use that 'not approachable' bullshit. I was friends with your sister, and we serve on the student council together."
"Maybe so, but you never remove thefuck offstamp from your forehead," he counters defensively. "You're smart as hell and…"
He stops as we pause for a student riding their bike across the path, and a warm breeze kicks up the scent of fresh mulch from the newly planted flowerbeds lining the walkway.
"Have you looked in the mirror recently? Look, I knew you wouldn't talk to me otherwise. When I got word that you might have a thing for your pen pal, I saw an opportunity, and I jumped on it," he continues, his words tumbling out in a rush. "It wasn'tmeant to be a lie forever, just a door opener," he tries to reason as he reaches for my elbow.
I jerk away, picking up my pace down the tree-lined path toward the residential quad. The dormitories loom ahead, their brick facades warm in the late-afternoon sun, window boxes overflowing with bright petunias and trailing ivy.
"I had a boyfriend; there was never an open door," I remind him icily. When he got caught in his lie, I was still dating Penn.
He bites his lip, frustration evident in the hard set of his jaw. "We both know Penn was a D-bag. If he wasn't, you wouldn't have been catching feelings for your pen pal."
I roll my eyes, hating the truth that lingers in his statement, but I had my reasons for keeping Penn around.
"Penn lied to me, just as you did," I say wearily before continuing down the tree-covered path back to my dorm. "So how are you any better?"
"Come on, Asha. I never would have fumbled you. There's no way in hell I'd ever look at anyone else."
"What do you want from me, Eldridge? This can't possibly be your argument to fill the spot," I say, eyes forward.
