I sit up and plant my feet on the floor. I'm tired, angry, and depressed. At least if I eat the sandwich, I won't be hungry on top of it.
I pick it up and take a big bite. The flavors immediately burst on my taste buds, instantly killing my hunger pangs. "Mmm," I groan as I swallow my first bite.
"See, it's good," she says, pleased with herself.
"Cardboard would probably get the same reaction right now," I grumble around another gigantic bite.
"Hey." She punches my arm.
"Why are you here, Syd?"
"What do you mean? The people I care about are hurting right now. Where else would I be?"
I swallow the bite in my mouth and meet her gaze. "I mean, why are you here when you're one of the people doing the hurting?"
"She ran out on a conversation that didn't include me—" The look I cut her is enough to silence the lies she's about to give me. She knows I know. I caught them. To keep pretending is an insult to both of us. "I'm not trying to hurt her." Her voice is smaller as she admits defeat and drops her gaze to her lap.
"What did youthinksleeping with her father behind her back would do?" Anger slowly starts to rise in my chest. "How could you be so reckless? If the roles were reversed, and she was sleeping withyourdad, how would you feel?" I lean forward, willing her to look at me. "And even if by some miracle you were fine with it, youknowAsha's past. You know she doesn't trust easily. You had to know this would torch your friendship?—"
"I know, okay!" She shoots up from her spot beside me and gives me her back. "It's not what you think. I would never set out to hurt her; neither would Warrick." Her shoulders slump with a finality that has the smallest piece of me feeling sorry for her. I've only looked at her as the instigator in this affair, the one who betrayed her best friend. But I haven't considered her feelings.
"So what... You just accidentally fell into bed with him? Week after week, lie after lie? You chose this, Syd. Every single time, you chose him over her."
"I knew him before I knew her." The confession comes out broken. Slowly, she turns to face me, and her tear-filled eyes finally meet mine. "He wasn't her father when I met him. He was just...Warrick. And when Asha and I became friends, when I realized who he was..." Her face crumples. "It was already toolate." She raises her hands. "I didn't know there'd be a choice to make."
The words knock something loose in my chest. She met him first. Fell for him before she even knew Asha existed. Part of me, the part that isn't Asha's husband, can see the tragedy in that. How impossible that position must have been when she realized. But the other part, the bigger part, remembers my wife's face. Asha doesn't even know about them yet. And when she finds out, this won't be some romantic twist that makes it okay. It'll just be one more layer of betrayal. It will be a best friend who kept this secret and chose him over her, over and over again.
"You have to realize there's no scenario where this ends well for you."
"Are you saying you're going to tell her?" Her eyes search mine. "The other day in Warrick's office, that wasn't a lie. There's nothing left to tell."
"You really expect me to believe that?" I lean forward, elbows on my knees. "Isawyou. The night of the watch party, I saw you follow him into the house."
"Making sure he was okay doesn't mean we're..." She stops and rolls her lips. "It doesn't mean we're romantically involved."
"It means you still care." I stand, needing to move. "And if you still care, then it's not over."
Her hands fly up in frustration. "What do you want me to do? Corner her the second she gets back and unload everything?"
I drag both hands through my hair and grip the back of my neck. The last thing I want is to pile this on top of everything else—the pregnancy, her mom's diagnosis. She's already drowning. "Tell me what to do, Trigger, and I'll do it." Her voice cracks. "How do I make this right?"
She's asking, but the question isn't rhetorical. I can hear it—she's been asking herself the same thing, over and over, with no answer.
Damn it.
I pace to the window. "I don't know, Syd. But I don't think sleeping with her cousin is the way to start."
The words are out before I can stop them. I'm not trying to be cruel, but I can't help it. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I feel trapped in an impossible situation where every answer is wrong, where someone gets destroyed no matter what.
"I don't plan on hurting Hollis," she says, joining me beside the window. "I really like him. But I know what you're thinking?—"
"No, Syd." I turn on her, hands planted on my hips. "I don't think you do."
"You think I'm using Hollis to make Warrick jealous."
My eyebrows shoot up. "Actually, Iwasn'tthinking that. But now that you've said it..." I tilt my head, study her face. "Are you?"
"No." She blinks rapidly, fighting tears. "He's kind and genuine. I don't think I've ever met someone so...good." She wraps her arms tighter around herself. "We're just friends. I know he wants more, but I've been honest with him. I told him I'm not in a place for anything beyond that."
