“We can’t control how we react to these kinds of situations. I find that the tears tend to creep up on you at random times, not when you necessarily expect them.”
I nodded.
I’d been so sad earlier that I didn’t really appreciate how beautiful Juliette looked today. She’d curledher hair a little differently, and her lips were a deeper shade of pink than usual, even without lipstick. While I’d only now taken notice of that, something elsehadbeen playing on repeat in my head: the memory of her naked body after she’d unknotted that towel this morning. That image had permeated even my deepest grief.
As if she’d read my mind, she said, “I feel like I need to apologize for being so brazen earlier…” She shook her head. “I don’t know what came over me. I think I’m just angry at the situation my father put us in, and I’m taking it out on you, in a way.”
While I’d have loved nothing more than for Juliette to take outallof her anger on me in ways she probably couldn’t imagine, I had to resist.
Before I could respond, she spoke again.
“Anyway, I don’t want to talk about it because it’s not the appropriate time. I just wanted to clear the air a little because things were awkward between us in the car this morning—and rightfully so. I want you to feel like you can lean on me right now.”
“You want me to feel like it’s safe to lean on you without you randomly disrobing.” I smiled. “Got it.”
“Basically, yes.” She laughed.
Things went quiet for a bit, and Juliette leaned her head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry about Grandma Rose, Wes.”
I closed my eyes for a moment. “I think what bothers me the most is that…” I paused. “She was so damn proud of me when I was working as a cop. A lot of her family had been cops. In Grandma’s eyes, there wasn’t a more honorable job.” I sighed. “If she knew the truth about who I was working for now…” I shook my head. “Well, she might’ve passed a lot sooner. Let’s just put it that way.”
“She knew as much as your mother does?”
I nodded. “Pretty much. She didn’t know the whole story of why I left the force, either.”
“I think if she truly understood, she’d still be proud of you. Just for different reasons.”
“I don’t know.” I looked away. “Her greatest wish was that I settle into a stable job, get married, and have a family someday. I don’t think any of that is in the cards for me now.”
“You don’t see yourself ever settling down?”
“As long as I’m in this job?” I shook my head. “No. How would that even be possible?”
Juliette turned her whole body toward me. “Listen, Wes…” Her eyes glistened. “Wherever your grandmother is now, I believe she does know the truth. I believe she fully understands that everything you’ve ever done, you did with good intentions, with the goal of protecting people. I have the honor of getting to experience that firsthand.” Her eyes filled with emotion. “You put your life on the line for me every day. How many people willingly do that for someone else? I know you feel obligated to my father. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re a hero. And your grandmaisproud of you, in this very moment, wherever she is.”
Andthatcaused me to get choked up.
Fuck.
It’s happening.
A tear fell. It figured I’d cry around Juliette. She always made me feel things.
“Well, here are the damn tears that wouldn’t fall earlier.” I sniffled and wiped my eyes. “So much for the manly man who’s supposed to protect you.”
“I think it’s a beautiful thing when a man allows himself to cry,” she whispered.
We sat quietly for a long moment.
“Listen, now that my grandmother has passed, we can leave Jersey, if you want.”
Her eyes widened. “You can’t leave before the wake and funeral…”
I shrugged. “Those events are for other people, not the person who died. Wakes make me angry, in fact. Sometimes it’s a bunch of jerks talking and laughing while the dead body is right there in the room. Half the time I want to punch people for being so damn disrespectful.” I groaned.
“Well, that’s true…” she agreed.
“The only thing that matters to me was getting to see her before she died and to make sure she knew I loved her,” I said. “I’m at peace with that.”
