After scouring every word, I realized just how close both Wes and I had come to dying. I’d been so incredibly mean when I kicked him out yesterday. And he deserved better for the sheer fact that he’d saved my life.
I returned to my room and read his letter a few more times. I accepted the truth of his words about how he felt about me. I wondered where he’d been when he’d written the letter, whether he’d eaten anything, whether he’d cried. I wondered a lot of things I might neverknow now.
Tempted to call him, I must’ve picked up the phone a dozen times only to put it down again. What good would calling him do? Wes needed a clean break. And despite understanding how he’d gotten himself into the undercover predicament, I probably wouldn’t ever fully trust him again.
I needed to leave well enough alone.
I needed to let him go.
CHAPTER 29
Wes
Three months later
I looked around at my empty apartment one more time. I’d lived in this little place in Brooklyn since I first joined the force. It wasn’t much, but it had always felt like home. I suppose it was fitting that I was moving now because nothing had felt right since I’d walked out of Juliette’s house three months ago. Coffee tasted bitter. The City sounded different at night. And the badge I’d been so proud to wear had grown too heavy.
I picked up the final box, took one last glance around, and pulled the door shut behind me. Forty minutes later, I pulled up at my next-to-last stop. Mom opened the door, and the smell of meatballs wafted out onto the porch.
“Perfect timing,” she said. “I just put the pasta into the water.”
“You didn’t have to cook.”
“Nonsense. I love cooking for you.”
“Thanks, Ma.” I followed her into the kitchen and found a cooler on the table. Inside was a bunch of Tupperware.
“I made you six different meals,” she said. “I guessed that was about how long it would take you to drive from New York to California.”
Shit. “Sorry, Ma. I should’ve told you there was a change in my plans. I’m not driving anymore. I’m flying because I need to be out there sooner than I thought to start my new job the day after tomorrow.”
“Oh my gosh. You got a job! I’ve been so worried about what you were going to do for money out there in California, now that you quit the force.” She pointed to the packed Yeti. “I even hid some of the money I’d been saving to blow with my girlfriends next month in Atlantic City at the bottom of the cooler. It’s in a zippy bag. I knew you wouldn’t take it if I tried to hand it to you.”
I smiled and pulled my mom in for a hug. “You’re the best, Ma. But you don’t have to worry about me. I’ve got a nice little nest egg, and this new job pays better than the NYPD.”
She leaned back. “You’re not working for one of those crooked guys again, are you?”
The week after I returned to New York, I’d unloaded the truth about what I’d been doing with Vince and the NYPD on my poor, unsuspecting mom. Even though I no longer worked for the Ginocassi family, I still couldn’t trust just anyone with the truth, and I’d really needed to talk to someone about my messed-up life. Mom had been the one to inspire me to not give up on Juliette so easily.
“No, Ma. I’ll never get involved with people like that again. Promise. You don’t have to worry.”
Her shoulders relaxed. “Thank goodness.”
“I’m actually going to be working for Tom Chalder, my old sergeant from the police academy. Do you remember him?”
“I do. I met him at your graduation ceremony. Red hair, right?”
I smiled. “It’s almost all white now, but yeah. He and I stayed in touch, and he’s been sort of like a mentor to me. Last year he retired from the force and moved out to the West Coast to be near his daughter who lives in LA. She and her husband just had a baby. Tom’s got rheumatoid arthritis, and the winters here were tough on his joints. Anyway, he was never one to sit still, so after a few months in LA, he decided to open a private-security business, and it took off pretty fast. I’m going to be guarding celebrities, actors, and musicians, probably some rich tech people, too. My first assignment starts Monday, so I’m taking a late flight tonight.”
“Oh, that’s wonderful, Wes.” She dug into the cooler and came up with a zippy bag full of hundreds. “Now I can go to battle with the one-armed bandit.”
I chuckled. “I appreciate that you were going to give up your slot-machine money for me, though.”
Mom and I had an early dinner together, and I managed to pack two of the meals she’d made into my backpack.
“I’m gonna head out,” I eventually told her. “I want to stop by the cemetery to say goodbye to Luke before I make my way to the airport.”
Her face softened. “Tell him I’ll be there to do some weeding next weekend.”
