“Good, Ezra. How about you?”
“I’m good.” He cleared his throat. “Did you know after praying mantises mate, the female rips the male’s head off?”
Jake gaped at Ezra.
“What?” Ezra looked genuinely perplexed.
“What the hell was that?”
“You said to say something interesting.”
“Yeah, interestinggood. Not interesting likethat.”
“Well, how am I supposed to know?”
Jake stared at Ezra. “Seriously? You think Sean’s going to be impressed by weird bug sex? Jesus, Ezra.”
Ezra’s shoulders slumped. “Okay, fine. I’ll try again.”
So, he tried again, but this time his interesting thing was about how flamingos orgasm for thirty minutes.
Jake put his head in his hands. “Oh, dear god.” He looked up. “Are you fucking with me right now?”
“No,” Ezra said. “You said to say something interesting and that’s what I’m doing.”
Jake scrubbed a hand over his face. “Okay. Forget interesting. Say something flirty to him. Like how good he looks in his shirt or whatever.”
Ezra bit his lip. “Can you give me an example?”
Jake turned to the empty chair beside him. “Hey, Sean. How’s it going? That shirt looks great on you. It really brings out the deep blue in your eyes.” Jake flashed a grin at Imaginary Sean and gave him a little wink too. He turned to Ezra. “See? Like that.”
Ezra chewed his bottom lip for a second. “All right.” He sat up straighter and turned to the empty chair. “Hey, Sean. How’s it going? I like your pants. They really bring out the shape of your ears.” Then Ezra offered Imaginary Sean a tight smile and a wink that looked more like a spasm.
Jake bent forward until his head hit the table with a thud. “Oh, God,” he groaned.
“Not so good, huh?” Ezra slumped against the chair.
Jake turned his head to look at him. “Are you shitting me right now?”
Ezra crossed his arms.
“Why didn’t you just repeat what I said?”
Ezra lifted a shoulder. “I didn’t want to be a copycat?”
“Don’t talk about his ears, man.”
“But I like his ears.”
“I don’t get it.” Jake shook his head. “We were talking all normal before and now… now, you’re all—”
“I know!” Ezra pointed to his bookbag. “I’m good at this.” Then he gestured between them. “And you’re good at this. That’s why I need your help.”
“Oh, you need help, all right.” Jake rubbed the bridge of his nose. He sighed. “But practice makes perfect, I guess.” He turned to Ezra. “Okay, here’s your crash course in flirting. All the dos and all the don’ts.”
Ezra leaned forward to listen and absorb every word.
Jake went to the choir room early.
