He slows down at the next exit and drives us off the interstate to a truck stop. Once the car is parked, he leans across the center console and kisses me. It isn’t a particularly passionate kiss, but it takes my breath away just the same. It’s the meaning behind it; the emotion.
This is for real.
This is love.
That’s what he says after he kisses me, and I note with an odd sense of irony, that the day Shane tells me he loves me is the very day we let Everett go. The person that brought us together in the first place.
So, it’s only right for me to say to him, “I love you too.”
There’s a great sense of relief in saying so. As if my fifteen-year-old self can shrug off this burden finally and simultaneously gather up the missing pieces of my heart.
There’s a minute where we just sit with what we’ve just said to each other. I never thought it would be in a rental car at a random truck stop. For some reason, that makes me smile.
“What?” Shane smiles too.
“I think I’m just happy,” I reply.
“Me too.”
Since we’re stopped, we go inside the truck stop to use the pay phones. I call my parents and Ethan calls Gina. I wander around the aisles while I wait for him. I spot a collection of key chains. My eyes are immediately drawn to one with two bright yellow mushrooms.
“Ready to go?” Shane asks, appearing behind me. I notice he’s got a little stuffed unicorn toy in his hand.
I grab the key chain. “You think maybe we could stop off at that lady’s trailer again? Maybe get a card for her, to thank her for keeping Ev’s ashes for us?”
“Sure. I don’t see why not.”
I get the key chain and Shane finds a thank you card. We make plans to pay her a quick visit once we’ve crossed back into New York.
18
Ethan
Subj: Where are you?
Date: 8/8/1994 10:05 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time
From: [email protected]
I don’t know if I’m going to send you any more emails after this one.
I just want to know why. What did I do? Was it prom? What happened? I know you’re still around and not dead or anything. And you won’t talk to Everett anymore either, and he won’t tell me anything other than he said you told him I’m a pain in your ass. And he said I shouldn’t talk to you anymore. I don’t know what to think. Because it’s not like you to just disappear like this, but if you’re not answering me, thenI guess it is true. You really don’t like me anymore.
I want to hate you for just checking out like this, but I don’t.
I never got to say it to your face, but I’ll say it now: I’m in love with you, Shane. I’ve always been in love with you. Maybe I always will be. But I guess it doesn’t matter since your determined never to speak to me again.
Ethan
19
Shane
January 1999
On the way backto New York, we finish up the film in the disposable camera.
