-when Mars is visible in the south sky
-looking up in general, I guess
Here are some of the things that I don’t like:
-social studies
-steamed broccoli
-starting 7th grade
-sharp rocks in the river
-running the mile
-when Everett leaves his dirty socks in the bathroom
-Sonic the Hedgehog
-when Shane Carraway has to go home
I wish I knew more about Shane’s home, and I wish he’d talk to me more when he comes over. But he comes over to see Ev because they’re best friends. They don’t really include me, unless one of them is stuck on a math problem. I guess it doesn’t matter.
But Shane Carraway is the reason I’m not exactly normal.
I went to shut my bedroom door just now. He’s not here right now, but I don’t want anyone to walk by my room and see me typing his name. I don’t want anyone to know how much I think about him. Cuz I think about him way too much. I know I do. It’s more than once a day. It’s like all day every day.
Ever since he rescued me by Black River. I’d almost drowned but Shane saved me, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him ever since.
So maybe this will be a good thing, writing my thoughts. Not just for future generations(ha ha), but to put Shane Carraway into a place outside of my brain.
N-E-Wayz that’s all 4 now.
August 17th, 1991
So, when Ev and I got back from camp, I was hoping Shane would be at our house. But my mom said she heard Shane got a part-time job at the Dairy Queen in Lowville. Because of Shane’s new job, and back-to-school shopping, I had to wait until today to see him.
I think it was worth it.
He was in his Dairy Queen uniform, the polo shirt with DQ on it untucked. He smelled like sprinkles. He went to Ev’s room like usual, and I waited around in my room. I didn’t want it to seem like I’ve been thinking about him. Sometimes I think Shane just likes Everett. But then sometimes I think helikesEverett. I don’t know. I wish it was my room he would come into. I wish it was me he’d come over to talk to. I would be okay if Shanelikedme. Is that weird?
Who am I kidding? It is. And if Shane EVER knew he’d call me a freak and never come over again!
I waited in my room because I wanted Shane to see me, but I didn’t want to go running in like when we were kids. I always did that like an idiot because I liked being around him. But I’m sure he thought I was annoying just as much as Everett did. I don’t want to be annoying. I don’t want him to think of me as a kid. Shane isfifteennow. He can get a job and soon he’ll be able todrive. The last thing I want himto think when he sees me is that I’m Everett’s annoying kid brother!
I wanted him to see me, though. Camp must have been magic this year because when I got back Mom and Dad said I was taller. I confirmed it with the measuring tape. I’ve grown an inch and a quarter. And I wanted to see if Shane would notice.
I went over to Ev’s room after a few minutes. Shane was sitting on the floor, flipping the DQ hat around in his hands and Ev was laying on his bed. I leaned on the door frame and Ev made a face, like usual, telling me to get lost. Then Shane looked over at me.
I stood up straighter, squared my shoulders. Could he see I was taller? Could he see I looked different? I think for a second there he noticed because the hat he was flipping around fell into his lap. He smiled at me and said hey. I said hey back. He looked like he was going to say something else, then Ev interrupted with something stupid and Shane’s attention went back to him. I stood there for another couple of minutes, and I was just going to go back to my room because they were blabbing about their school schedules and which lunches they had together, but then Everett said he had to go take a leak and left me and Shane alone.
Shane looked over at me and smiled again. It’s funny how something so ordinary, an expression that everyone makes, can be the most beautiful thing on him. Geez,beautiful?!Really? I’m such a weirdo!
He asked me how camp was and we talked about that. He had a smile in his brown eyes the whole time, even when his mouth wasn’t smiling. He seemed to be listening. He seemed to think what I said was interesting. But I don’t know because he looked so good in his Dairy Queen uniform and his dark hair kept coming out from behind his ears and into his face and he kept pushing it back. Everything he did, I just watched. I don’t remember everything I said. I kind of babbled.
Then Ev came back into his room and it was over. I gave up then, decided I should just go listen to music or something and when I turned to go I felt something hit my lower back. I turned to see it was Shane’s Dairy Queen hat.
He grinned at me as he got up to get it. He said, “Looking good, Ethan.”
