I focus on that and the music as Shane and I continue to ride in silence. I could almost pretend he’s not here, except he moves around a lot, nervous fidgeting or whatever.
Or he could have to piss and not want to tell me.
I cut down the volume. “Need me to stop?”
“Uh, no.” He glances over at me. “No. Do you?”
I shake my head.
“I’ll tell you,” Shane says. “I think I’m good for a while, though.”
I didn’t want to do all eleven or so hours in one day, so I thought I’d split it up. Get a motel room in Maryland, maybe. Or southern PA. Depending on how far we get.
And there will have to be separate rooms for sure.
I turn the volume up on the CD player again and a song fills the inside of the car like a musical wave. Goosebumps break out all over my arms, my breath catching in my throat, and the million and one cold and broken miles between Shane and I drastically reduces.
I don’t want to think about what I haven’t thought about in years, forced out of my thoughts practically, but here it is, just as vivid as if it happened yesterday.
My finger twitches, wanting to skip the song, but I let it play.
7
Ethan
August 25, 1993
Likes:
-the guitar riff in “Today” (Smashing Pumpkins)
-Alpha Centauri
-Mr. Svitzer’s science class
-green grass
-Dad’s pasta salad
-blank notebooks
-the way Shane’s clothes smell
-when Shane’s hair is wet from a shower
-Shane when he’s sleep drunk and saying weird shit
-Shane sitting on my bed
-Shane putting notes in my locker
Dislikes:
-flat tire on my bike
-Ev taking over the bathroom every morning
-my parents' dumb singing to oldies
