We’re worse together when things are out of control, and during these moments we have to be careful. It’d be so easy to enable each other just to make us feel better again, but being a couple also means being intimate. Comforting someone normally involves touch—a hug, a kiss, a hand on a leg—things that send me off the deep end. We just have to find a balance.
“How was that?” he asks.
It felt simple and right. “Good.”
“I have a question, and I want you to know that I won’t be offended if the answer isn’t what I want it to be. I just…I’d like the truth.”
“Okay.”
He takes a small breath and then his eyes drop to my lips again. He plants another soft kiss, longer this time. I don’t move or force it into something else. I let him take the lead, and I don’t wish for anything more either. What he gives me is enough.
He draws back and looks from my body to my lips to my eyes, taking in every detail. “You okay?”
I nod again. “Just waiting for your question.”
“Right.” He takes another trained breath. “Your fantasies—who was in them?”
“Me,” I say. “And you.”
“You answered so quickly,” he says in worry.
“That doesn’t mean I lied. I haven’t fantasized about anyone but you since you left for rehab. You’re like…the best I’ve ever had.”
His face seems to glow at the last line, taking it as truth and fact. As it is. His hand glides to my neck, caressing me gently. For the first time, I feel in a different state of mind when he touches me. In part, it has to do with my talk with Dr. Banning. I asked her what I should expect when I see Lo, and she told me that he’d want to touch me, to comfort me. And that’s what I have to accept it as. Not all touching leads to pleasure.
A hug is just a hug, not the pathway to sex.
This type, it’s new to me because I’ve never allowed myself to be touched this way, at least not without the desire of it progressing to other things.
I think I like it.
His lips press against the tender skin below my ear, and I can feel the hesitation in his body when he pulls away. “How was that?”
“Good.”
“You don’t want anything more?”
“No,” I say sincerely, “not unless you do.”
He kisses my lips again, but this time parts them a little with his. I don’t deepen it. I wait, and he deepens it himself, his tongue gently slipping in. His thumb strokes the back of my neck. When he breaks the kiss, he slowly rubs my wet bottom lip with his finger. I don’t even shudder.
I’m letting him comfort me without having sex, without the fear of enabling me. We’re trying to be a better couple, and I think this is what progress feels like.
His eyes glimmer with possibilities. “Is this your new superpower, Lily Calloway?” he asks me sweetly. “I can touch you now without feeling guilty?”
“It may not last forever.”
“Then I’ll enjoy it for now.”
For now.
I like that too.
CHAPTER THIRTY
LILY CALLOWAY
We remainon the patio to watch the sun set. The only time someone disturbs us is when Rose comes out to ask if we want anything from room service for dinner. I fear that they’re only eating-in because they’re nervous to leave us alone, but I don’t question her about it. Instead, I tell her to order us a couple burgers, and then she slips back inside.
