“Had? Past tense?”
“We’re working on it.”
He lets out a low laugh that chills my bones. “You’ve been letting your girlfriend fuck other men?” He shakes his head, and I can practically hear his thoughts:that can’t be my pussy of a son.He stands to pour himself another drink. I usually don’t notice how often he refills, but this has to be the third or fourth time—an amount that would have most people sloshed. But he’s a functioning alcoholic. Twenty-four-seven drunk. No one can really tell. It’s there in his hard eyes, ready to lash out spitefully at any moment. He’s just riding that wave, the edge to his life sandpapered down.
And I know if I had a sip, I’d be the same exact way. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. I’m not aggressive, but sometimes I’m belligerent. I can make sure that won’t happen. I’ll be calm.
I have the sudden urge to flip my glass and ask for alcohol.I’ll get sick, I remind myself. It’s literally the only argument I can think of right now.
I try to focus on my father’s eyes and not the glass in his hand. “I didn’t let her fuck anyone when we were together. We only started dating seven months ago.” I explain quickly about our fake relationship, cursing myself that everything has become so complicated that I have to reveal this too.
My father hasn’t taken a seat yet. “You acted like you were together just so I wouldn’t send you to a military academy?”
“Yeah,” I say. “You were ready to ship me off, weren’t you?” I had fucked up and vandalized some guy’s house for messing with Lily. He mailed her a dead rabbit after his girlfriend discovered that he fucked another girl, and he blamed it on Lily, even though he was the cheating bastard.
I retaliated by dousing his door in pig’s blood. It was one of my more creative efforts. And I was black-out drunk. I honestly remember very little of the whole ordeal. But I can recall everything afterwards—how my father grabbed me by the neck and yelled in my face.What did you get out of this, Loren? Did it make you feel better? Do you like being such a sick fuck?
My father was prepared to kick me out after I dragged his name through the mud. I was the degenerate, the resident bad boy who would go to another school district just to mess with someone. I was suspended. I was a stupid kid who wanted to make Lily feel better—who wanted to change every horrible fucking thing. But I just didn’t know how.
My father wanted to be proud of me, but I gave him nothing to be proud of.
“Maybe I would have shipped you off,” he says, swishing his ice in his whiskey. “I was mad as hell back then. Your relationship with her was the only redeeming thing. Somaybe.”
I nod. Yeah it’s why he let me stay. Maybe he would have missed me too. But he’ll never admit that.
“So if you two weren’t really together, what the hell were those noises coming from your room?”
I frown and then recognition hits me. I bury my face in my hands, mortified. “You heard her?”
“You weren’t the only one living here,” he snaps, “and you two were loud.” No.Shewas loud. “It’s not as if I was trying to listen. Believe me.”
This is so fucked up. I rub the bridge of my nose, wanting so badly to wake up.Wake the fuck up.
He finally settles in his chair. “Don’t tell me you let her fuck someone else in your bed.”
I drop my hand and scowl. “Let’s get something straight—you’re not allowed to talk about herfuckinganyone. Not me, not someone else, not anyone. Got it?”
He rolls his eyes. “You just told me she’s a sex addict?—”
“I don’t give a shit,” I say coldly. “She’s still my girlfriend. She’s still Lily. And I’m not anywhere near comfortable talking about this with you.”
“Maybe she’s just a slut,” my father says, clearly ignoring me. “Ever think of that?
I could punch him. I think I could. But I don’t. I use my words, just like he taught me. “I’m going to say this once, andthen you will nevereverfucking call her that again. Nor will we have this discussion.” I’m standing up now. “She has a problem. She cries herself to sleep because she can’t stop thinking about it. I hold her in my goddamn arms, trying to get her to quit. Sex is her drug.” I point to my chest, my arms trembling. “I get it. I fucking get it, and you should too if you think for a goddamn minute how much you rely onthat.”I motion to his drink and he stiffens. “And if anyone is the slut, it’syou.” He paraded enough women in and out of the house that I could have easily obtained some complex. My chest rises and falls heavily as I finish speaking.
His voice softens considerably. “That still doesn’t explain what I heard in your bedroom. If you two weren’t together?—”
I grimace. He’s still on that? “I used to let her masturbate in my bed.”
His eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak. I cut him off. “No way,” I snap. “You don’t get to ask any questions about that. Our relationship—even fucked up—is between us. It has nothing to do with this situation.” That’s a lie, but I’m not discussing that shit with my father.
He keeps his lips tight now and then sips from his glass.
“If the tabloids found out—” I start, but it’s his turn to interrupt me.
“Lily would be in the tabloids, being called names that you don’t like.”
“What about Fizzle?”
