“We can’t have you missing it, Lily,” he tells her. “The more you dwell on your deviant fantasies, the more you revert back to your deviant ways. You’re just a whore now, but if you let this cycle continue you could become something worse. A pedophile. A sex offender.”
Lily’s head whips in my direction, and she clutches my hand, silently begging me not to lash out. This isn’t the first time he’s basically called her a future pedophile.
“Give me a minute while I gather the tools.” He stands and rummages around his office closet.
Shit.
This is why I don’t want her to stay here. I must wear a pleading look because she says, “I’m fine. We can’t leave.”
“We can actually,” I refute. “There’s the door. Fuck the trust fund.”
“It’s not about the trust fund.”I know.
She’s trying to fix all the damage she created. She’s even rebuilding a relationship with her father. We still don’t attend those Sunday luncheons, but he calls her after they end to catch up.
Her mother is a different story.
Lily squeezes my hand, and I stare at the way her fingers intertwine with mine. Last week, we wouldn’t have been able to do this. Last week, she would have burst into tears before I touched her.
“Just trust me. It’s like a game,” she says.
I narrow my eyes. “A game in which you get shocked for fun?” I mock gasp. “Are you into the S&M part of BDSM and didn’t tell me?”
She punches my arm, and I grab onto her wrist, pulling her in for a kiss. She’s going to need it.
CHAPTER FIFTY
LILY CALLOWAY
“What didI say about kissing and touching during our sessions?” Dr. Evans says angrily.
I try to subdue my smile as I break away from Lo. “Sorry.” I don’t feel that apologetic. I’m only here for my parents. I don’t believe in Dr. Evan’s methods anymore, and I try my best not to take his words to heart.
But the armor that I’m building still has a few chinks.
Like right now. Dr. Evans holds a small electrical box, and I have the sudden urge to vomit all over his ugly carpet. He sticks two electrodes to the inside of my wrist and then passes me the box. I set it on my lap and rotate the knob to the lowest shock level.
“I think you can go higher than that today.”
“She doesn’t want to,” Lo interjects.
“Make no mistake, Loren, this is my office. I can have you escorted out if I feel like you’re hindering my patient’s treatment.”
“It’s fine,” I say quickly and turn the dial a couple notches. Too bad I don’t have the remote. That device rests in Dr. Evans sweaty palm, the commander of this torture.
“I’ll let you choose what you want to try today. Fantasies or porn.”
“Porn.” Having to relay my fantasies out loud is incredibly embarrassing, and he shocks me more when I start describing positions and body parts.
“Actually, how about we do both.” He reaches into his desk, pulls out a magazine and slides it to me. I set the mag on the armrest between Lo and me, and then I flip it open,already knowing the drill. Nude women don’t make me aroused, but the photographs with the couples do. As soon as I glance at a picture—Buzzzzz!—the shock ripples through my wrist and up my arm.
I let out a short breath and clench my hand. Lo rubs my back, and another shock jostles my wrist. My hand twitches.
“What the hell?!” Lo shouts.
Dr. Evans ignores Lo for the moment. “Look at the pictures, Lily, and describe a fantasy you might have if you were staring at these on your own.”
I instinctively glance at Lo, considering he would be in my fantasy, which is the wrong reaction. The shock pulses through my hand again, and I try to keep my arm still so Lo can’t tell. But he’s breathing heavily beside me, forcing himself in the seat and not at Dr. Evans’ throat.
