Kate decided that the best place to inform Clara was away from the family home, at the hospital. So, on what was to be her last Sunday there, she took Clara to one side and told her about the baby. Clara’s initial reaction was one of total surprise.
‘I can’t believe that I didn’t notice, Kate. I must be so preoccupied with myself and my work that . . .’
‘You’ve been busy. My clothes are loose and I’ve done a good job of hiding it.’
‘You have but who’s the father, Kate? Have you told him? Is it your soldier chap you’ve been seeing?’
Kate didn’t reply. Clara looked at her.
‘Whoever the father is, you must tell him. He has a responsibility,’ Clara said. ‘You can’t face this alone.’
Kate looked at Clara and a tear trickled down her cheek. She couldn’t say it, she couldn’t say his name, even if it meant losing her friendship with Clara.
‘All right, well I can’t force you to tell me,’ Clara eventually said, ‘but I’m concerned for you, Kate. I presume you’ve told my parents?’
Kate’s tears were flowing freely now. She tried to answer but all that would come were sobs. Eventually she managed to whisper, ‘Yes’.
‘Oh, Kate,’ Clara said trying to console her friend. ‘There’s so much we women still need to achieve to take control of our futures. A woman’s body can be a joy but it can also be a burden. We are governed by our monthly cycles, which are a nuisance when they are here but can cause such chaos in our lives when they don’t arrive. What can I do to help? Tell me, Kate. I can’t just abandon you.’
‘I’ll not be abandoned,’ Kate replied, trying to reassure herself as much as Clara.
‘Will you go home to Hampshire?’ Clara asked.
Kate’s mind was racing, confused. Her heart thumped. Was it the right thing to do? What should she say? The thought of the workhouse terrified her but Hampshire was so far away and how could she take her problems to her family’s door. The shame of what she had done on top of their son’s death was too much toask. But the workhouse? If she told Clara about the workhouse, Clara would try to help her and in helping her, anger her parents if they ever found out. She had caused enough problems for everyone already. She had to tell Clara something, anything. The words were out before she’d formed them clearly.
‘Yes, I’ll go to my family,’ she blurted. ‘Please don’t worry about me. I’ll be all right. I’m not the first woman to be in this predicament and I won’t be the last and the child will not be the only one without a father. Before this war’s over, there will be many.’
Kate needed to give herself some thinking time. Should she tell Philip he was going to be a father? Should she ask Clara for his regimental details, so that she could write and tell him? No, that would immediately arouse suspicions. Clara was no fool. Should she go straight home to Micklewell? If she did that straight away, it would be difficult to come back.
‘If you think that’s best,’ Clara said,’ but you will write and tell me when the baby’s born, won’t you and how you are?’
Kate agreed. The two friends hugged each other.
‘Look after yourself, Kate. I’m going to miss you,’ Clara said.
‘And I’ll miss you . . . all of you . . .’ Kate said, taking a deep breath. It was for the best, she kept telling herself, for the best.
As soon as they parted, Kate began to worry about what she’d done but she just couldn’t tell her. Perhaps the passing of time would help her to see the way. What was it Clara had once said about a knot? It had a special name. She couldn’t remember what it was. Her stomach was rolling and her head ached with weaving and winding. She couldn’t unravel what she couldn’t control.
When the children were playing in the nursery the following evening, she sat them all down and explained that she must leave. Thomas took it in his stride, as she expected. The twins wanted to know more. ‘But why?’ Sophie asked.
‘Who will take us to school now?’ Simon added.
‘And who’ll plait my hair?’ Sophie said, a note of frustration in her voice.
‘I have to go home for family reasons,’ she said. ‘A new maid will look after you.’
‘We don’t want a new maid,’ Sophie said, stamping her foot. ‘We want you.’
They were cross with her, but after much reassurance and promises that Ida would make sure the new maid was kind to them, they accepted what she had to say. She felt a deep sadness that this time in her life was about to end. She would miss them all.
* * *
So it was, that Kate found herself standing at the doors of Greenwich Union Workhouse in the bitter cold of a February morning, one small carpet bag in her hands, holding all that she possessed. She’d packed her only two work dresses, night clothes and underwear, a few items of baby clothes Ida had managed to get from her family and the enamel-backed hairbrush that her mother had given her that belonged to her grandmother. Her winter coat barely kept out the biting winds and her ears were nipped and blue, her only hat serving little purpose, being more a case of respectability than warmth.
The workhouse appeared from the outside as forbidding as she expected it to be on the inside. The pale brick building rose above her, faceless and grimy. The windows gave no sign of life, shuttered against the outside world. As the workhouse doors opened and she stepped inside, she felt as if a black hole had opened up and swallowed her. What would become of her over the next weeks and months? She tried not to think of it, for what was there except the perpetual turning of night and day and the grinding down of her self-respect? Her spirit was nearlybroken and her body would follow, soon to be split asunder by the demands of the factory floor and the birth of a homeless, fatherless child. She mustn’t think on it any more but greet each breaking day as it dawned and stumble on, or she would surely sink beneath the oncoming tide.
Kate went about her work every day as best she could. Her bulk was making her tired as she heaved her swollen belly out of bed each morning and reported to the laundry room. Her hands were red raw with scrubbing and her legs ached with the constant standing. She’d asked to be put on different duties where she could be seated for some of the time but was told there were no vacancies and she must continue in the laundry or go elsewhere.
