‘But the workhouse! I could die there, Ida, and no one would care,’ Kate whispered.
‘I would care,’ Ida said.
Kate felt the slight pressure of Ida’s hand. Her attempts at reassurance were a sign of her true friendship but Kate knew that she would have to go through this alone. No one could help her now. She was to become a mother and she’d have to give birth in a strange place with strangers, instead of in her own village surrounded by her own family. She couldn’t tell them, she couldn’t go there. How could she? The thought of her own mother, now pregnant with her sixth child, made Kate catch her breath. She tried to stem the flow of her tears but they would not be stopped. She leaned her head against Ida’s breast and wept for everything that she must lose and the fear of what was to come.
‘Come,’ Ida said, ‘we must go and tell Mrs Bowden.’
Kate wiped her eyes and stood upright. She pulled back her shoulders and took a deep breath. She knew she just had to get on with saying it and hoped Mrs B wouldn’t take it too badly.
When Mrs B saw the serious expressions on Kate and Ida’s faces as they entered the kitchen, she asked, ‘What’s up with you two? What’s happened? Tell me now. Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.’
‘It is,’ Kate said. She looked straight at Mrs B. ‘There’s no way to say this gently. I’m pregnant.’
Mrs B flopped down in her chair, her face pale and her hands wringing her apron. She remained silent for a long time and Kate braced herself for the onslaught, but Mrs B simply let out a huge sigh and said, ‘Well, there’s nothing to be done then.’
Kate and Ida looked at each other and waited. Finally, Mrs B broke her silence.
‘My sister had an illegitimate child,’ she said. ‘My nephew is a lovely boy. He’s grown up to be such a lovely young man, looks after his mother so well. But she had a hard time of it. You’ll need all the help you can get. I suppose the father’s not around?’
Kate looked down.
‘I’ll ask you no questions and you can tell me no lies, Kate. No doubt you’ll get enough of a stripping down from the master and mistress but you must tell them and very soon. They are not going to take it well. When’s the baby due?’
‘End of June,’ Kate replied.
‘Further on than you look then. And I thought I had a second sense for these things. You’re not showing much.’
Kate and Ida exchanged glances. Without Ida’s help she couldn’t have hidden the truth for so long.
‘You know it will mean you’ll have to leave, don’t you, Kate? Can you go home to Hampshire?’ Mrs B asked.
‘They’ve got enough mouths to feed. I can’t add to their struggles,’ Kate replied.
‘Well, the only alternative is . . .’
‘I know, the workhouse,’ Kate said.
‘I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Is there no one else you can go to?’ Mrs B said.
Kate shook her head.
* * *
The meeting with Mr and Mrs Winton went as badly as Kate expected it to with shouts of recrimination and demands to know who had fathered this child. Kate wouldn’t say. The deep sense of guilt inside her felt like boiling oil erupting over raw skin, her secret must stay within for no good could come of voicing the truth. She would not be believed.
‘Well, there’s nothing for it but to give you your notice,’ Mrs Winton said. ‘You bring shame upon this household and upon yourself.’
Mr Winton was not as sparing with his words. He called her all sorts of unpleasant names and hurled abuse at her.
‘You’re no better than a street walker,’ he said. ‘You must leave immediately. You’re a bad influence on our children and I can’t have you under this roof. Those who behave like guttersnipe will end in the gutter. You mark my words.’
Mrs Winton winced at her husband’s anger and looked at Kate with great sorrow. She expressed her disappointment in her but implored her husband to at least let her stay until they could find a replacement.
‘I will give you one week to make arrangements to leave,’ Mr Winton said storming out of the room.
‘You must find a way to explain your departure to the children,’ Mrs Winton said. ‘This is a sorry mess, Kate. Now get Ida to bring me some of my medicine, I have a headache coming on.’
Kate was angry at the way Mr Winton had spoken so cruelly to her but she was also sorry to have let Mrs Winton down. Mrs Winton had been so kind to her. Yet she had no regrets about having given herself to Philip. She had no regrets for loving him with all her heart. She waited that evening until the whole household had retired to bed and then sat on her own in the kitchen reliving the happier times she had spent here and trying to work out what she would say to Clara and the children. She wasn’t looking forward to it, neither was she looking forward to the workhouse. She prayed that there was some other way.
