He shook his head and then slumped over with his head bowed, his arms lifeless in his lap. ‘We’ve told Dot but how can you tell a small boy that his brother’s never coming home?’
He clenched and unclenched his fists, and then rose from his chair. He walked out into the back yard, closing the door behind him. Kate stood at the window and watched as he took his axe from the shed and placed a huge log on the chopping block. With one swift movement he swung the axe above his head and brought it down, splitting the log in half. He threw the two pieces to one side and took another from the pile. In fifteen minutes, he had worked his way through what was there and the sweat dripped from him. He sat down on the block and put his headin his hands. He came into the kitchen and grabbed his shotgun from the cabinet.
‘Where are you going, Dad?’ Kate asked.
‘Where does it look like?’ he snapped.
His bitter anger hung in the air between them. He stopped with his hand on the latch. He turned and gave one brief nod of his head, his eyes empty and his skin pallid. For the first time Kate saw him as an old man, the folds of skin around his mouth and jaw, his scarred and pock-marked hands, his thinning hair and grey stubbled chin. It was as if the years had been compressed into one day, his youth and vigour gone, his strength sucked from him and bones and gristle spat out. The sparse remains of the man she knew as her father had disappeared from view, the shadows had taken him.
Kate knew what she must do but how to do it? Dot was now twelve and perfectly able to understand, but Henry, at just five years old, would not. She had barely time to think of how to explain when the back door opened and Dot ushered Henry into the kitchen.
She put the eggs down and immediately ran to her sister.
‘Kate, you’re here,’ she said hugging her tight.
The two sisters held onto each other and Kate whispered into her sister’s ear, ‘I love you, Dot.’ They pulled away and looked at each other with deep sorrow. Kate cast her eyes down at Henry who was hiding behind Dot’s skirts. Dot pulled him out and lifted him up.
‘Say hello to your sister, Kate,’ she told him.
‘Do you remember me?’ said Kate gently.
‘Of course he remembers you,’ Dot said. ‘Come on, silly. Say hello.’
Henry mumbled hello and then announced he was hungry.
‘Dinner won’t be long,’ Kate said. ‘It’s cottage pie.’
Henry looked at Kate expectantly. She knew what he was waiting for.
‘I’m sorry, little man, but I came in a hurry. I didn’t have time to bring you anything but I’ll make up for that by making the best dinner ever. A little bird told me cottage pie is your favourite.’
‘Fred likes cottage pie too. Is he coming?’
The two sisters exchanged glances. Dot sat down and lifted Henry onto her knee. Kate sat opposite them, ran her fingers over her face and lips and breathed deeply. Should she tell him the truth? Would her parents be angry that she told him? The moment was now, Kate thought. She didn’t let the moment pass.
‘Henry, Fred went away to fight. You know that, don’t you?’ Henry nodded. Dot looked at her, wide eyed. Kate was about to say what her parents and her sister had been unable to say.
‘Sometimes in a really bad fight, people get badly hurt. So badly hurt that they can’t come home.’
‘Is Fred hurt?’ Henry asked.
‘Yes,’ Kate whispered, her voice cracking.
‘Do you remember the baby rabbit that the cat caught, Henry?’ Dot asked, her eyes filling with tears.
‘It died,’ Henry said.
The two sisters waited.
‘Did Fred die?’
‘Yes,’ they both replied, their hearts heavy with the knowledge that they would never see their brother again.
‘We’ll all miss him so much, won’t we, Henry?’ Kate said. ‘We’re all so sad. It’s all right to be sad.’
Henry looked from one sister to another, then he hugged Dot, wriggled down from her knee and went to Kate. She lifted him up and he placed his arms around her neck. She held him close, his warm breath on her neck.
‘We’ll pray for Fred when we go to church on Sunday,’ Kate said. She let Henry rest his head on her breast for a while and breathed in the warmth and the closeness of him until she sensed his desire to get down. She let him go and turned to her sister.
