‘It looked to me like you have plenty of other admirers,’ Tilly said. ‘Like Madeleine, for instance.’
‘Well, what’s a man to do?’ Jonathan asked. ‘You disappear off to France and don’t even write to me. Just give me a chance and I’ll show you how much you mean to me. I want you so badly.’
Jonathan kissed her again, passionately. Tilly couldn’t hold herself back. This was not sensible. This couldn’t last. She was going back and she might not return. Her future was uncertain; their future was uncertain. She had to stop this, now. But Tilly’s body had other ideas and so did Jonathan’s. They walked on until they came to a quiet path that led slightly uphill to their right, away from the river. Jonathan pulled her in that direction.
‘Come on. Let’s climb up here, away from the main path, where it’s quiet. There are too many people walking the main route to the bottom. We might get a good view of the valley from up there.’
He pointed to a rocky outcrop. They made their way slowly up the slope and climbed onto the rock. All they could hear was the rush of the water and the rustling of branches in the wind over their heads. Jonathan took off his jacket and lay it down on the rock. They lay back together. He leaned over her and began caressing her neck and shoulders. She relaxed into him. She looked above her head and the light patterns played across her field of vision. She breathed in deeply as he moved between her legs, his hands exploring her breasts. Her nipples stood erect, responding to his touch, and she could do nothing to resist him. They moved together in unison. Then she felt him change; he began to grab and claw at her. He turned her over forcefully and rasped into her ear, ‘Don’t move. I like it this way.’
It was as if his body had taken over and it was almost as if she wasn’t there. She winced. As he entered her, she felt a stab of pain. She moved to try to wriggle away from him, but he clamped his hand over her mouth. He kept holding on to her until he reached climax. He cried out and withdrew quickly. When it was over, he lay back, his body sweating. She had wanted this so much, almost too much. Now, instead of feeling fulfilled and satisfied, instead of feeling warm and happy and complete, she felt empty. He wasn’t the same as Jed. Jed was caring and gentle; he wanted to please her. Jonathan had only wanted to satisfy himself. He left her feeling cold and abandoned.
She sat up and pulled her clothes back together. She felt used. This wasn’t what she’d expected. He wasn’t what she’d imagined. She’d created some sort of image of the man of her dreams and not seen the reality, that he was selfish. On the drive back to Ryde, she hardly spoke a word.
When Jonathan dropped Tilly at Fliss’s family home, she got out of the car and said no more than, ‘Goodbye, Jonathan.’
‘Is that it, then?’ Jonathan asked, clearly immune to the fact that Tilly was upset.
‘What more do you want me to say?’ Tilly said. ‘I will be going back to France soon.’
‘All right, if that’s the way you want it,’ Jonathan remarked.
‘That’s the way I want it,’ Tilly said, closing the car door.
From the way Tilly entered the house and went straight up to her room, Fliss knew something was wrong.
‘I’m catching the bus back to Whippingham,’ Tilly said. ‘Please thank your parents very much and apologise for my leaving without seeing them myself. Make some excuse that I wasn’t feeling well.’
‘So, I gather things didn’t go so well,’ Fliss said.
‘You could say that,’ Tilly replied. ‘I’ve been such a fool, Fliss. Whatever made me go looking for him?’
Tears started gathering in Tilly’s eyes. Fliss put her arms around her friend.
‘Oh, Tilly. Whatever happened? What did he do to upset you that much?’ Fliss asked.
‘He was a complete brute,’ Tilly said. ‘Jonathan Burrows is not what he seems. I’ve made an awful mistake. He’s no gentleman. He forced himself upon me, Fliss.’
‘The bastard,’ Fliss said. ‘Don’t waste your tears on him, Tilly. You’re better off without him.’
Tilly caught the next bus home and tried to put the whole sordid experience behind her. She would concentrate on doing the job she’d signed up to do. She wouldn’t let this get in the way of her nursing career.
Chapter 28
January 1941
Tilly was aware that the war had now spread across the world and that the Germans were enlisting the support of Russia and Italy in their mission for world domination. France had now fallen. Britain and its allies were involved in defending much of Europe, the Middle East and North Africa. Tilly and Fliss waited and waited, knowing that they could be sent anywhere. When the orders finally came, they were to be together. They were told to get to Southampton docks and take the next troop ship headed for North Africa.
‘But it’s so far away,’ Amelia said. ‘France was bad enough, but North Africa! How will you cope with the heat and the flies?’
‘I’ll go where I’m needed.’ Tilly replied. ‘I’ll cope.’
The ship they boarded, along with six other nurses, was headed for Tobruk in Libya. They’d been told that the British soldiers defending Tobruk were under siege and that they were headed into a very dangerous war zone, but they didn’t allow this to put them off. At least, it didn’t put Tilly off. Fliss wasn’t so convinced.
‘Why do I allow you to persuade me into these things?’ Fliss asked. ‘You’ve changed a great deal since we first met. You were the shrinking violet and it was me who led you astray, I thought. Since then, you’re the one with the taste for adventure. Just don’t get me into more than you bargained for, Tilly Truscott.’
Tilly smiled at her friend. It was true — she’d changed a lot since the war began. She’d found a sense of purpose and was determined to carry out the nursing duties she had trained for. The sea voyage was long and at times rough, particularly when they passed through the Bay of Biscay. The nights aboard seemed interminable even though, as women, they were giventhe luxury of a cabin and not expected to join the soldiers in their hammocks in the lower part of the ship. The food was just edible and the lack of any decent washing facilities gave the two women some idea of what to expect when they arrived in Tobruk.
‘Be thankful for enough water to go around on board,’ one of the soldiers said, when he heard them complaining one day on deck. ‘When you get to the desert, don’t expect a shower or bath; you’ll be lucky if there’s enough water to drink.’
