She had been her friend once. And now, knowing that Thorn was her father, it made the sting of her betrayal worse. Ilona hadnot just been a friend to her—she’d beenfamily. Her blood. And Nan, the only woman in her childhood that’d shown Nymiria grace and love, was her grandmother. Nymiria knew what she’d done wrong. She remembered it all too well. She remembered doing nothing,saying nothing, when Dorid stripped Ilona bare in front of hundreds of his people. She remembered looking away when they took sheers to her head. She remembered the punch that’d been delivered to Ilona’s head when she tried to fight off the guards.
Not just her friend. Not just a memory. Herblood.
Her body trembled as she shouldered through the crowd, flashing sheepish smiles that did not reach her eyes. Once she’d made it to the foyer, Ilona was preparing to walk out of the door and into the night. If Nymiria hadn’t caught her arm, she would have been gone.
The woman turned to her, pure venom in her gaze. “What do you want?” She snapped, her voice thick with tears.
“I… I wanted to check on you.” Nymiria stumbled over her words, her stomach and lungs hollow.
Ilona just scoffed, flicking a tear off of her cheek. “Check on me?” She asked. “You haven’t checked on me in eight years, Nymiria. You watched them shave my head, watched them beat me, and you never checked on me. Not even once.”
“I didn’t know where you were—”
“Didn’t you, though?” Ilona stepped forward until the swell of her stomach was mere inches from Nymiria’s. “You knew where I was, you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself. I was too unworthy to be placed with all of the other courtesans, but just worthy enough for him to keep pumping his seed into me.” She looked down at her stomach, shaking her head back and forth as if she couldn’t believe her stomach belonged to her. “I’ve had four of his children, Nymiria.Four. They kept us locked away. He—” Her voice broke, her face going pale as her eyes flutteredshut. “Aziel has chosen to take responsibility for us. He built us a home and ensures that each of the children have exactly what they need. They are his siblings, after all.”
Nymiria’s heart sank, every drop of blood in her body draining from her. She felt sick. “Ilona, I will not make excuses for myself. I could have done more and I’m sorry that I didn’t—”
“You don’t need to apologize to me.” The woman growled. “Because I watched him beat you, too. I enjoyed it—I wasthankfulfor it. That he was hitting you instead of me. I never thought I could hate someone so much and love them all at the same time. But I did—Ido.” She looked around, searching for any watchful eyes, but there were none. “I wanted to come see you tonight. I wanted to be your friend again, but… he used all of us, Nymiria. Not just me, but you too. You were my dearest friend and for those memories, alone, I will always love you. I hate that I hate you so much sometimes.” She pulled Nymiria into an embrace that had her gasping, a small sob bubbling up from between her lips. “Please, just be happy and know that I love you.”
Ilona turned then, stilling as a large form crested the stairs leading into the palace. Oran looked at the woman with a confused expression, as if he couldn’t quite place her face. But before he could decipher where he’d seen her, Ilona was disappearing into the night.
“Who was that?” He asked. “Why are you crying?”
All that she could do was stare at Ilona’s retreating form, entirely unable to move her lips. How could she even begin to explain everything? How could she tell anyone that that woman represented all that was good in her childhood, but was also the proof of her failure.
“Did she say something to you?”
Yes.
The damage had been done. Even if Ilona wished her happiness, she would never be able to forgive herself now that she knew the truth. Those children, the ones that’d been huddled around Ilona when she first saw her in Aziel’s dining hall…
They were all Dorid’s.
Aziel was caring for her and the children.
And Nymiria never tried to help her. Perhaps there could never have been much for her to do, but she could have tried. She could have donesomething. But just like the rest of her life in Yaar, she remained as complacent as possible. She focused on her own survival, rather than worrying over the well-being of others.
Another regret, another harsh truth brought to the surface. All of that work—all of her achievements in the last month seemed meaningless now. Those wounds that’d been healing perfectly were now ripped open at the edges.
Chapter 17
She’d already been stumbling over her own feet before arriving at The Twisted Willow. That, alone, should have been sign enough that she did not need to be drinking anymore, but Nymiria simply could not help herself.
After leaving her birthday celebration without so much as a goodbye, she’d returned to Aziel’s home and changed out of her dress, unbraided her hair, and set off into the night. She hadn’t been looking for danger, just somewhere away from all of the joy she did not deserve.
Her father would be worried, she was sure. She made a note to seek him out in the morning and apologize to him personally.
The barkeep tonight was a young woman with a halo of curls that reached her shoulders. She was kind, with a sweet smile and a gentleness about her that Nymiria appreciated. She’d tried to strike up conversation—asking Nymiria questions about who she was, where she’d come from. In turn, Nymiria had given polite, yet vague enough answers to indicate that she wasn’t inthe mood. The barkeep still kept an eye on her, stopping here and there to refill her drink.
Nymiria was unaware of how much time passed, but by the fourth refill, the room was spinning so much that all she could do was let her head fall onto the counter and hope for sobriety.
The scent of cherry blossoms filled her nose after a while, but she didn’t dare look around for the source. She knew that he was watching her. She would know him anywhere. Without seeing his face, without hearing his voice, she would know him. As if his being had been carved into her very bones, she knew him.
Finally, after what felt like hours, he approached her, his dark form looming over her scrunched one, his gloved fingers brushing the hair away from her face so that she could see. She’d been using it as a shield, a blindfold of sorts, having left it to cover her eyes when she initially laid her head upon the counter.
A hazy version of him stared down at her, his face so blurred that she could hardly make out his expression. “You missed quite the spectacle.” Aziel drawled. “Trio was belligerently drunk and danced some poor woman nearly to death. We had to retrieve a healer and everything.”
Nymiria snorted lazily. “Sounds fun.” Aziel took up the seat next to her, smiling up at the young maiden that placed his favorite amber liquid in front of him. Her eyes narrowed. “Is she a friend of yours, too?”
