It was not hard to play the avid listener, but her mind began to drift the moment he began speaking of a recent excursion to one of the islands off the coast of O’Shea.
Three days.
She hadn’t seen Aziel in three days now.
Her cheeks bloomed with a furious heat, her hands clenching in her lap as she recalled her behavior. She shouldn’t have touched him. She shouldn’t have kissed him. She should have gone to the washroom and washed herself, just as he wanted her to. And while she wanted to make excuses for herself and her behavior, she simply could not. She’d acted on impulse and scared him off.
She thought of how he looked at her, how his face changed when he’d looked up at her, the wildness in his eyes and the hardness of his body pressed against every soft and pliable part of hers.
Had she taken advantage of their connection—that sacred bond that tethered them? That was the only logical explanation she had. That he’d acted on instinct and then remembered exactly who she was and who she came from.
Nymiria shuddered, jolting slightly when her eyes refocused, only to see Everand watching her with a rather concerned expression. “Nymiria, you’ve grown pale.” He placed a hand on her shoulder, thick fingers massaging close to her neck.
She didn’t like it.
She hated it.
“I must apologize,” she said breathlessly. “I have these moments where it feels like I can’t breathe properly.” She swiftly rose to her feet, desperate to be away from the feeling of his hands on her. Much to her dismay, Everand was already following suit and as she stepped off of the veranda and began walking across the courtyard, he was still trailing her.
“Did I say something wrong?” He asked.
Nymiria shook her head. “No, no, you’ve done nothing wrong. It’s just…” She paused, keeping track of his steps as he came to a stop in front of her. “Everand, I am thrilled that your life has been going well. Youdeserveit. After all you and yourpeople have endured, you deserve all of the wealth and success that Alvaros receives.” She meant that much. Even if she felt conflicted about being a spy, she could at least admit that truth to him. She’d never wanted any of the Mystics to suffer.
“I have heard things about you, Nymiria.” He confessed. “Whenever we would get new prisoners, the prisoners would come with news from Yaar, keeping all of us informed on what was happening on the other side. And, well, many of them said that they saw you there.”
Her body went rigid, her arms folding around herself as she took a half-step backwards. “Everand, I—”
“You were a courtesan, weren’t you?” He asked quietly. “You were forced to do things with those people?”
Even if she wanted to respond, even if she wanted to lie and say that that was the extent of what she did, the truth was far more gruesome. Nymiria had never been forced to bed anyone. Sure, she’d used her body as a way to lure men to their deaths, but she’d never let them inside of her. She never really had to. They were gone, usually bleeding out onto the sheets before they could get their fill.
Everand took her silence as a confirmation. Based upon the sad look that took hold of his strong, handsome features, he’d drawn his own conclusion. “I know that Aziel is your mate, but how could he have allowed something like that to happen to you?”
Allow?
She wanted to scoff. She wanted to scream. She wanted to stomp her feet and claw at his mouth for evendaringto insinuate that Aziel hadn’t tried—that Aziel hadn’t been forced to do so muchworsethan what’d been done to her. She’d never been forced to fuck anyone. But Aziel had.
Her lips curled, her eyes narrowing as they locked with Everand’s. “You know nothing.” She said in a whisper. “Thosecamps were horrible, Everand. But just like in the Otherworld, there were different layers of hell in Yaar. We were all just trying to survive the ones we were forced to live in.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Nymiria held up her hand, silencing him before he could continue. “I’mnotoffended. But I will not allow you to talk about what happened in Yaar without knowing the full extent of what we had to endure.”
He looked at her with the same wide, puppy eyes that he’d looked at her with when they were children. For a moment, she saw him there—saw her friend and not someone she was supposed to be spying on. She saw that boy that would run these fields with her, the boy who taught her how to climb trees, and who was a master at tying bows. “Is he nice to you?” Everand asked. “Does he treat you well?”
Her brow furrowed. “Aziel and I aren’t—we aren’ttogether.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” the words escaped her on the wind of an exhausted breath. “We just aren’t.” She turned away from him immediately, not even bothering to glance back at him to see what his expression looked like. She didn’t exactly care. The only thing she was worried about was the fact that she’d kissed Aziel and his scars and he ran out of that room as if he were in fear of his life.
She needed to find him and apologize. She needed to make things right.
Chapter 12
He was doing everything he could not to focus on what was happening. He could feel hands on him, could smell the heavy stench of sweat and oils mixing in the air, but he did everything he could.
He did everything he could.
