“We’ll see you back at the hotel, yeah?” Riff squeezed my shoulder, jerking me back into the harsh reality where I was sober. Where drugs and alcohol were off limits, and these situations would be a regular occurrence.
Trix, unaware of my internal battle, smiled and ran off towards her dressing room, leaving me to sweat over the temptations with my best friend. My breaths came quicker than before, limbs stiff and trembling until I worried I might explode.
“You’re all good, man,” Riff said, his deep voice in my ear easing some of the tension in my shoulders. “Focus on the crowd.”
I closed my eyes, forcing myself to listen beyond the noise backstage. The crew was already swapping out the gear, and the audience had started chanting our name in anticipation.
“Noctis! Noctis! Noctis!”
“T’es mon préféré, Riff!”
I inhaled, filling my lungs with air.
“Noctis pour toujours!”
“Bodhi, t’es trop canon!”
Then I exhaled, letting the negative thoughts, the dangers, and the urge to self-destruct bleed out of me, carried away and shredded by the roar of the crowd. I did it again and again untilmy body felt lighter, my neck looser, and my heart wasn’t pounding a frantic four-beat rhythm against my ribs.
When I opened my eyes again, I met Riff’s chocolate-brown ones. He’d moved from my side to stand in front of me, hands on either side of my neck, their warmth seeping into my skin as he felt my steadying pulse against his palm. The side of his mouth ticked up. “You with me?”
Exhaling once more, I nodded, loosening my jaw which I’d been clenching. “Yeah,” I breathed. “I’m ready.”
“Glad to hear it,” Thump said, appearing at my side with Ghost and giving me a light slap on the back.
“Nice cover-up.” I nodded towards the patchy makeup on his neck, a crude attempt to hide the giant hickey. The shade was all wrong, at least three tones lighter than his golden skin, and there was so much of it that it looked like a layer of paint. Still, the Texas-shaped bruise was gone, and Thump was stuck at the back of the stage anyway.
“Try not to sweat it off,” Mick said from my other side, resting a hand on my shoulder as his calm presence smoothed out the last of my nerves.
Thump flipped him off. “Clara used so much setting spray I’m scared it won’t even come off in the shower.”
We shared a laugh, and I was finally starting to feel normal again when Dyl, our tour manager, appeared. “It’s time, my dudes,” he announced, handing me my mic and Thump his drumsticks. Two extra sets sat beside his kit: one for when he’d inevitably snap a stick, and another for when he’d yeet one across the stage mid-solo.
Once Dyl backed off and the last of the crew cleared out, Riff, Mick, Thump, Ghost, and I stood together in a circle.
“It’s been a rough few months,” I said, looking at each of my brothers as they met my gaze. “I’ve not exactly been the bestbandmate or friend.” Riff started to speak, but I cut him off. “Doesn’t matter now. The past is the past, and we look to the future. For us, for the fans, and for Noctis.”
Ghost grinned. Thump rolled his sticks between his palms. Mick gave a slow nod. Riff winked, mouthing, “Love you, bro.”
I smiled back and reached into the middle of the circle. One by one, their hands stacked on top of mine, and we leaned in close.
“Ready?” I asked.
They nodded.
“Noctis on three. One . . . two . . . three!”
“Noctis!”
I was fucking pumped.
Crouched at the front of the stage, staring out at the sea of people filling the Accor Arena, I couldn’t help but laugh. Looking to the right of the stage, I spotted Riff, panting as he wiped his forehead. He was grinning just as wide as I was, and a quick glance at the others showed we were all wearing the same exhausted, satisfied smiles.
This, right here at the end of a show, voices raw and bodies spent, was what we lived for. To know we had given everything, to leave our fans with the greatest possible experience.
The ringing in our ears blended with the crowd’s roar. Their faces glowed in the flashing lights, eyes wide with awe. Sweat dripped down our necks and stuck our shirts to our skin, and the fog of excitement clung to the air, thick and humid, like a Floridian summer at its peak.
This was why weexisted.
