Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face. Then I left my room and went to find Trix.
It took her a minute to answer after I knocked, and I guessedshe’d been trying to catch a nap before the show. It wasn’t surprising. We’d been up until after sunrise, and she and Bella had drunk far more than I had.
The door swung open to reveal Trix mid-yawn, scratching at her scalp.
“Oh. Hey, Iggs,” she said sleepily. “What’s up?”
“I, um...” I cleared my throat and shifted on my feet.
My hands worried the hem of my hoodie. Bodhi’s hoodie, actually. I’d stolen it days ago because it smelled like his cologne. Whenever I wore it, I caught myself lifting the collar to my face, breathing him in like it might anchor me.
Trix raised her brows, waiting.
“You said I could ask,” I continued quietly. “If the... other stuff stopped doing it for me.”
Her eyes widened in immediate understanding, and she nodded. “Yeah,” she said, stepping aside. “Yeah, come in.”
The room was musty, heavy with stale smoke, alcohol, and bad decisions. The curtains were still drawn. Bella lay face down on one of the beds, naked from the waist up, dead to the world.
Trix dropped onto her own bed and dragged a rucksack closer with her foot.
“So,” she asked, rummaging inside. “What’re you after? I’ve got coke if you need a pick-me-up. God knows I do after last night.”
“Um.” My throat felt tight. “Do you have any Oxy?”
She glanced up at me and smirked. “Ah,” she said. “So, you wanna relax. I’ve got you.”
She dug around a moment longer before pulling out a small plastic bag filled with white pills.
The sight of them made my mouth water.
It had been months since I’d seen Oxy in real life. The last time had been before I overdosed. Before I’d taken more thanusual, which turned out to be far too much. That should’ve been enough to disgust me. Enough to make me recoil.
Instead, my fingers twitched.
Trix opened the bag, took out a single pill, and dropped it into the open palm I hadn’t even realised I’d extended. The second it landed, I closed my fist and yanked my arm back, like she might change her mind and take it away.
She didn’t notice. She was already pulling out her weed, distracted.
“How much do I owe you?” I croaked, staring at my clenched hand.
She waved me off. “This one’s on me,” she said easily. “You look rough. Go have fun.”
I nodded. Mumbling a thank you, I turned and left.
I practically sprinted through the corridors, desperate to get back to my room before I ran into anyone. Before I ran into Bodhi. If he saw me now, he really would hate me. Worse, he might try to stop me.
When my door closed behind me, I sagged with relief. I padded to the bed, sat on the edge, and opened my hand. The pill was tiny. Barely bigger than a lentil. Small and unassuming and dangerous as hell.
People said the best things came in small packages. Once, I might’ve agreed. Staring down at it now, all I could feel was resentment. For what it had almost taken from me, or how easily it still owned me.
That didn’t stop the need from surging through my veins. The buzzing in my chest. The way it spread into my limbs until not taking it felt unbearable. My heart pounded, loud in my ears, equal parts fear and anticipation.
With shaking fingers, I tipped the pill onto my tongue.Grabbed the half-empty bottle of water from the nightstand and swallowed.
It was unceremonious. Almost disappointing.
For a moment, I felt fine.
