“It’s just… I’ve been thinking a lot. About our wedding.”
“Oh, of course. The arrangements are coming along, I trust?”
“Yes, yes. There is little left to plan. But I suppose I meant not the wedding itself, but what comes after.”
“I figured we’d stay in London for the rest of the season and then perhaps adjourn to my country estate for the summer.”
Bother. Rotherfeld was never going to get there on his own. Louisa tried one more time. “Right, a sensible plan. But I meant more…you know. What will happen between us? Physically.”
Daniel shot her an alarmed look, close to the same panic she’d seen on Fletcher’s face when she’d brought up the topic the previous week. Were all men terrified of sex? “That seems a better discussion for your mother.”
“Not the…” She sighed. “I am not expressing myself well. I apologize. I understand the basic mechanics of relations between men and women, even if I have no firsthand experience. I just thought, since we are to be married, it might be nice to have a conversation about expectations.”
“Expectations?”
“I know little of your past, for example, but I know how men of thetonare.”
Daniel frowned at that. “Oh. Well, certainly I…that is…” He let out a breath. “This is embarrassing, but I’m afraid I have little experience with women.”
“Oh.” Louisa did not know if she should find that comforting or alarming.
“I was waiting for marriage, I suppose.”
That was a surprise. “Noble of you.”
“Thank you. Anyway, as you said, I understand the mechanics of the act, but I suspect you and I will be learning a great deal together.”
Louisa supposed she should have found that comforting. That Daniel had no other lovers lurking in his past who could rear their jealous heads, that he’d be bringing no disease to their marriage bed. But then she thought of Fletcher and his widows and actresses, or whichever women had enjoyed the pleasure of his (naked) company in the past, and the idea of spending her wedding night with someone with no experience at all felt a bitterrifying. They’d just be flailing. That Fletcher knew his way around a woman’s body was…thrilling, in a way. Arousing.
“We shall learn together,” Louisa said, but suddenly she had doubts.
“Glad you agree.” He smiled. “It is my intent to make this a good marriage, Louisa. I’d like for us to be happy together, to have as many children as nature will give us, and to live out our days in comfort and style. You want the same, do you not?”
“Well, perhaps only one or two children, but otherwise, yes.”
Daniel laughed. “Then do not worry about any of it. We shall…take things as they come. Learn as we grow together. That is what I want, and I hope it is what you want, too.”
Louisa smiled at him and nodded but suddenly wanted none of this.
Oh, why had she asked Fletcher all those questions? Why had she allowed him to put ideas in her head? Why was she now picturing Fletcher’s big hands on her body and not Daniel’s? Fletcher, who was passionate and thoughtful and easy to talk to. Whom she never had to search for conversation topics with. Whose big body was strong, even if he didn’t have the same wiry strength as Daniel. Why was she suddenly thinking about licking Fletcher’s neck to see if the stubble there was rough like sand?
She covered her eyes with her hands.
“I apologize if all this is embarrassing for you,” Daniel said softly.
“It’s not that,” she said. “I’ve always been someone who likes to know what she is getting into, so I hoped to have a clearer idea for what to expect from marriage to you. But I suppose taking it as it comes will be a kind of adventure.”
“I apologize, but I do not know what to expect myself.”
Louisa had a thought to drum up some anticipation. Based on things her friends had told her, it was normal for couples to…experiment with each other before the big day. If they touched or kissed and Mother walked in, what could she even do? Force them to get married? The wedding was three weeks away.
“You and I have not so much as kissed,” Louisa said, standing. She wanted to banish thoughts of Fletcher from her mind. He had no business there, not while she was engaged Daniel. “Perhaps a kiss would have been improper before our engagement, but our wedding is just a few weeks hence. Surely you can kiss me.”
Daniel stood, too. “I admire your passion, Louisa.”
“Then kiss me.”
Daniel took a step forward, closing the space between them. He put a hand on the side of her face. She leaned into his touch. Then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her.
