The door clicks shut, and the tears flow free. I sob into my pillow, holding FooFoo to my chest, my only lifeline right now.
I feel like I’m drowning and I can’t breathe. Between Damien’s confession, the fact that Carson and Reid knew who my online persona was, and didn’t say anything, it’s all too heavy on my heart.
When I asked them about adding three new people to the pack, they knew two of them were themselves.
I feel stupid and embarrassed thanks to them! Here I was, feeling like the worst Omega for liking people I shouldn’t, trying to convince myself that my Alphas were enough. That I didn’t need anyone else despite what my heart felt, and it was all for nothing.
I’m pissed, I’m hurt, I’m embarrassed. I’m a fucking mess.
The most fucked up part is that despite what they’ve done, I want all three of them in here right now to cuddle me, comfort me, and make me feel better.
I hate that I’m alone in this moment, and I curse myself for not building a proper nest since moving back. I didn’t think I really needed one until now, my bed was good enough. I want to hide, burrow into a nest of safety, and ignore the world until it all goes away.
This is real life, though, and things aren’t just going to go away.
The fact is, Damien, Carson, and Reid are Death, Waffle, and Grim.
My best guy friends, the ones I’ve gamed with for years, are my Alphas.
I don’t have to pick and choose anymore. I don’t have to give up on anyone.
I know once the pain of the betrayal passes, I’ll be happy about this development.
But right now, all I feel is sadness.
Two things I know for sure: I’m done feeling sorry for myself, and those three have a hell of a lot of grovelling to do before I’m going to forgive them.
I’ll eventually have to be able to forgive them because I need them, it’s just that simple. I won’t make excuses for them, but what Carson and Reid did wasn’t a deal breaker. I hate what they did, but I understand their situation.
Damien, however? That one stings. A lot.
There's still so much to talk about, so many questions to ask, and answers I need.
For now, I just want to cry, sleep, and be alone with my thoughts. Then I’ll decide what I’m going to say to them, and how we can move forward.
I want all three of them. I just hope they can learn to get along to make that happen.
Petty rivalry aside, this is real life. Scent matches transcend all.
Even when they have the potential to ruin everything.
Chapter 21
Carson
“You’re still here?” Damien sighs heavily when he sees Reid and me sitting in his living room.
“Of course we’re still here,” I scoff. “We meant what we said. We’re not going anywhere until we talk to Addison.”
“How is she?” Reid asks, getting to his feet.
Damien looks rough. Good. He deserves to feel like shit. For what he did to Addie, he deserves a hell of a lot more. Acting like keeping our identities from Addie for less than two weeks is more serious than him keeping it from her for like what, the last ten years?
I’m not saying keeping this from her was right on our end either, because it wasn’t. We know that. And we will be doing what we can to make it up to her.
“She’s hurt and rightfully so. Confused. Overwhelmed." He sits in the chair, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, and puts his face in his hands. “I want to be there for her, hold her, and tell her everything is okay. Or, at least that it will be. It’s killing me. Walking away from her to come down here was pure hell.”
“I mean, you’ve done it for years, so it shouldn’t hurt so bad now.” I snort in annoyance.
