We knew we had to do it this summer, because we’re all sixteen. I mean, if you spend your sixteenth summer in Destin with your best friends and you DON’T jump off Left Coast Bridge and let go of something that’s drowning you…are you really even alive?
We sure felt alive tonight.
Tessa led the charge, to the surprise of absolutely no one. She announced this morning that we were doing our jump this very night, and of course she told Dustin Mathers when we saw him at the beach today so he made sure we had an audience of noisy boys just like him.
I think Kate confessed to her mom that we were going (I did not dare tell Maggie, who would have blown a gasket). But when we left, Aunt Jo Ellen whispered “Be careful” to Tessa and reminded Kate not to lose her glasses—like telling the sun not to rise—so I think she knew.
Anyway, the three of us flipflopped our way down Gulf Shore and tore out to the jetty, up the beach, and made it to “Let Go” bridge in good time. Like always, kids were pretty mucheverywhere—but not Peter and Eli. They were watching YET ANOTHER “Lethal Weapon” (two wasn’t enough?) they rented from Blockbuster and didn’t even know we were going.
That was good. I didn’t need Peter to witness my formal “letting go”…of him.
Because, yes, secret diary, the little piece of paper I stashed in my pocket said “Crush on Peter.” It’s time to let that weight of misery off my shoulders. I’m never going to be anything but Eli’s little sister to him.
It was a pretty spectacular night, even if it was blistering hot. The sand was still warm, even at night. Cicadas were screaming and the sky was that deep plum color that only happens in Florida right before night fully settles.
The bridge looked different in the dark. Bigger and higher and, dang, was it worth it to climb up there and jump?
Tessa practically danced through a crowd of boys, announced our intention, flirted with a few lucky souls, and grabbed our hands. She ordered Dustin to “play something good for us to die to!” as we headed toward the stairs to climb up.
Kate looked downright horrified. So much, that she climbed up the bridge still wearing her glasses, of course.
Once we got to the middle, we stood there with our toes over the edge while a car rumbled by, making the whole thing shake alittle. Down on the jetty, Dustin’s boom box blasted “Smells Like Teen Spirit” which made us laugh even harder.
“Okay, girls,” Tessa yelled. “Let go of whatever is too heavy in your life! Ready?”
“Goodbye, fear of being a nerd!” Kate yelled.
I told her she wasn’t a nerd and she just side-eyed me and touched her glasses. “These are going in the drink and I’m getting contacts.”
I knew her mom kept several pairs of glasses in hiding. I also knew Kate couldn’t bear the idea of putting something in her eyes, even for vanity. So I just smiled.
When we asked Tessa what she was letting go of, she howled with laughter and said she’d made so many bad choices she’d be jumping all night long. And that was just for what she did last week.
And me? Well, when they asked, I almost lied.
I tried to think of something small and safe. Like my fear of a breakout, or my inability to stand up to my mother. (Okay, that’s not small and I should let go of that sometime in this life, right?)
But the truth was a knot in my chest and it had a name—Peter.
Not Peter-the-person, exactly. Peter-the-feeling. I used to love the way my crush felt—the way my stomach flips when hesmiles. The way my heart thuds when he walks into a room. The way I feel invisible and incandescent at the same time around him.
But come on. He is nineteen and I am sixteen. He is summer and confidence and bare feet and tan skin and that crooked grin. I am…a kid.
Now my crush just hurts and distracts me, and I just don’t want to cart it around anymore.
I couldn’t lie, though. These were my best girls, and they deserved the truth. “I’m letting go of him.”
They didn’t laugh. Tessa squeezed my hand and pronounced it “About time!” Kate said, “Good.”
“I’ll go first,” Tessa said. “If I die, it was nice knowin’ ya!”
With that, she flung herself off, screaming like she was being abducted by aliens.
“If I don’t go now, I never will!” Kate took the next leap, arms wide, fearless, glasses lost forever.
I stood there alone, heart banging against my ribs, thinking about every smile that melted me, every time he ruffled my hair and said, “You’re gonna be trouble one day, kid.”
One day? When would that be? Never.
