‘I know. I get it. But don’t you think there’s been enough space between us lately? Isn’t it time we started working together instead of pulling apart?’
‘I – I don’t understand,’ I said, even as hope tugged at me.
‘Well, in that case I hope I canmakeyou understand. I love you. I love you so much, and I’m not going to let you go. Whatever you think, I believe we have a future together, and I’m going to convince you that we do, too.’
‘But, everything I did to Danny!’
Rory put his arms around me and pulled me close. ‘I always knew there was something on your mind,’ he said softly, ‘but I had no idea what you’ve been going through all this time. I’m not going to judge you, Kirsty. I think you’ve judgedyourselfall too harshly for the last eighteen years. Yes, you had an affair, but you couldn’t possibly have known that this man, Bobby, would take a photo and send it to Danny. You couldn’t have known that Brooke would see the photo and jump in a cocaine addict’s car or that Danny would follow her. You couldn’t have known that the two of them wouldn’t think to fasten their seatbelts, or that the car would crash. None of that was down to you. You have to let it go now.’
‘He was your brother,’ I said, hardly able to comprehend how he could be so forgiving.
‘He was. Is. And I love him. But his death wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you and I don’t think Danny does either. Don’t you understand? All these years, I thought you couldn’t get over him. That I was second best. A poor substitute for the man you really loved. And how could I resent him when I loved him too? What you’ve told me has given me an entirely new perspective. For the first time in a long time, I think I can see a future for us. If you still want one?’
Tentatively I put my arms around his waist. ‘Of course I still want one! I love you, Rory! Not in the way I loved Danny. That was an entirely different sort of love. This is deeper, more real. I’m older, wiser. I’ve been through too much to be starry-eyed about love, but I know what I want now. We have so much more in common than I ever had with Danny. Danny was my first love. You’re mytruelove. I can’t bear the thought of life without you in it.’
‘Then let’s not even imagine it,’ he said softly, kissing my tears away and stroking my hair. ‘I love you so much, Kirsty. And now I know how much you loveme, anything’s possible.’
‘Including moving to the country?’ I asked.
He shook his head. ‘Don’t worry about that. We’re all right where we are. We have everything we need, and I never want you to feel pushed into doing something you don’t want to do again.’
‘But that’s just it,’ I said. ‘Idowant it. I’ve felt the same way you have for a while now.’
‘You were totally against it!’ He frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’
‘How could I claim the life that Danny always wanted when I’d denied it to him?’ I said sadly. ‘Lately I’ve had the feeling that city life just isn’t for me any more, and I was pleased at first when you suggested moving away. But I’d stopped Danny from buying Cherry Tree Cottage so how would it be fair for me to get whatIwanted when I’d prevented him from getting whathewanted?’
‘And yet, all this time, Danny’s been, well, sort of living in this picturesque little village. His dream. So what are you saying, Kirsty? Are you really ready to sell our house and give up your job?’
‘There’s a job going in Rochester’s in York,’ I told him sheepishly. ‘I saw it on the staff noticeboard just before I broke off for my holidays. It’s not for a lead buyer, but itisfor a buyer, and I don’t mind taking a step down. I – I made a few tentative enquiries. I have a really good chance of getting it if I want it. It’s still good money and I’m sure York would be cheaper to live in than London. We could find a village in the area. I could drive into York.’
‘And my firm’s got a hub in Leeds,’ he said. ‘I could commute there easily once a week.’
‘So what do you think?’ I asked.
He gazed steadily into my eyes. ‘Are you sure, Kirsty? Are you really, really sure?’
‘We need a fresh start and a home that we’ve bought together,’ I said. ‘Our forever home. I’m sure.’
He gave a whoop of joy and picked me up, swinging me round in delight. For the first time I really understood how much this move had meant to him, and what he’d been willing to sacrifice to make me happy.
‘I don’t know how you stuck it with me,’ I said in awe, as he lowered me carefully to the ground again. ‘If you really believed that you were second best all those years, how could you stand it?’
‘Being second best was better than not being with you at all,’ he said simply.
‘You really are wonderful,’ I told him.
Rory didn’t say anything. But the kiss he gave me told me quite clearly that he thoughtIwas pretty wonderful, too.
32
On a sunny Sunday morning in the car park of The Quicken Tree Inn, Rory and I prepared to leave Rowan Vale. I handed him the smallest of our suitcases which he put in the boot with the other one then slammed the door shut.
‘That everything?’
I nodded. ‘My bag’s in the back seat. We’re ready to go.’
He put his arm around me, and we both turned to say goodbye to the two people who’d arrived earlier to see us off.
