He gave a self-satisfied nod then walked out of the room, clearly having had enough festivities for one night.
Danny turned to Brooke. ‘We did it.’
‘Youdid it,’ she said shyly.
He took her hand and led her outside, ignoring the congratulations from the other ghosts who were keen to tell him how wonderful he’d sounded.
‘Where are we going?’ she asked, although she didn’t really care. Danny was holding her hand, and he didn’t seem to be angry with her at all. That was enough for her.
‘I want to talk to you,’ he said softly, as they walked into the gardens at the back of the inn. He led her to one of the pagodas which housed an outdoor sofa. They were very popular on summer nights but tonight, with the rain gently falling, no one was around.
They sat together on the sofa and Danny turned to face Brooke, who was trembling.
‘I’m so sorry,’ he said simply. ‘You were right. Idoalways blame you, and this afternoon I did exactly the same thing. Kirsty had just told me all this horrible information and instead of thinking about that I focused on the fact that you’d kept it from me.’
‘I suppose it’s because if you’d ranted at Kirsty she wouldn’t have heard you,’ Brooke said. ‘Whereas there’s more satisfaction to be had from rowing with someone who can actually row back.’
‘That’s no excuse, though,’ he said with shame. ‘And I don’t think it’s the whole story either. I’ve had the whole afternoon to work things out in my mind, and I’ve come to a conclusion that I think, deep down, I’d already reached a long time ago. I just didn’t want to admit it because I felt guilty.’
‘About what?’ Brooke asked curiously.
Danny scratched his temple, the way he often did when he was thinking.
‘About the fact that Kirsty was fading in my memory. I struggled at times to remember what she looked like. I used to lie in bed sometimes, trying to conjure up her face, but it was becoming harder and harder. Blonde hair, blue eyes, dimple in chin, tick tick tick. I could get a picture of her sometimes, but it was becoming less clear, and I felt so bad about that. I kept trying to cling to her memory, to hold on to her somehow, but the truth is the face that was becoming more and more important to me was yours.’
Brooke stared at him, wondering if she’d heard right. ‘Mine?’
‘I don’t know when it started,’ he said slowly. ‘But if I’m really, really honest with myself, I think it was before we ended up here in Rowan Vale, and I hated myself for that. I’ve spent eighteen years blaming you for our deaths, when all you tried to do was protect me from something you knew would hurt me. I’ve kept you at arm’s length, and been horrible to you at times. And the thing is, Brooke, the thing is… That night, when you were going to leave with Lee…’
Brooke frowned. ‘Yes?’
‘I couldn’t let you leave with him because – because I was jealous. I thought you and he were…’
‘Me and Lee?’ she asked incredulously.
He nodded. ‘I couldn’t see any other reason why you would leave with him, and you wouldn’t tell me what was so urgent, so I thought… Anyway, I didn’t trust him with you, and I thought if you’d had a drink you might go much further with him than you’d want to, so of course I had to stop you. But deep down, there was a part of me that couldn’t bear the thought that you’dwantto be with him. I just didn’t want to face up to that, so it was easier to blame you for it all. When the accident happened…’ He broke off and shook his head. ‘It felt like I was being punished for having those feelings about you, and I felt guilty because you’d been dragged into that punishment. It was all mixed up in my mind and I lashed out at you because I couldn’t deal with the sort of person I’d become. I’m so sorry.’
‘But…’ Brooke felt dazed. ‘But you loved Kirsty! You adored her!’
‘I did,’ he agreed. ‘She was everything to me. But what I’d forgotten until today was how far we’d drifted apart those last couple of years together. I refused to acknowledge the truth.’
He sighed, running a hand through his dark curls. ‘I remember all too clearly now. I pushed for us to move away from London because I was unhappy. I think, deep down, I was trying to recapture a time when Iwashappy. Living at home. Being in the countryside. I thought somehow that if we could start again in a little village everything would be okay again. I thought – God this sounds stupid now – but I thought that if we had children they would bring us closer together. Fix us.
‘Kirsty had more sense; I see that now. The truth is, Brooke, she and I were already broken. We weren’t compatible. It’s just that neither of us could bring ourselves to admit it to each other. In my case, I couldn’t even admit it to myself. How can I be angry at her for having an affair when secretly I was already having feelings for another woman? For you?’
‘But – but you never looked twice at me,’ Brooke gasped.
‘Not for years,’ he agreed. ‘But the last few months before we went to the party, something shifted. I don’t know if it was because subconsciously I recognised that something wasn’t right between me and Kirsty. I just started to notice how kind you were, how thoughtful. You made me laugh, and you were always so sweet to me. I realised that I looked forward to going into work to see your smiling face on reception.’
‘I never had a clue,’ she said, shaking her head in amazement.
‘I wasn’t going to do anything about it,’ he said. ‘I would never have cheated on Kirsty. But the feelings were there, and maybe that’s just as bad.’ He gave her a wry smile. ‘How else do you think I ended up wearing this bloody Adam Ant costume? I wanted to please you. I wouldn’t have worn it for anyone else, I promise you that.’
‘Oh, Danny!’ Brooke didn’t know what to say, so instead she burst into tears.
‘Hey, it’s okay, don’t cry.’
‘I can’t bloody cry,’ she said furiously. ‘The tears won’t fall. I just can’t see very well right now.’
