‘No. I don’t want you to!’ I hadn’t meant to sound so abrupt, but it just came out that way. Rory gave me a hurt look.
‘I’m sorry, but I need to be alone. I just want to think things through.’
‘I can’t let you go out there on your own. It’s late. It’s dark.’
‘There are still people out and about. The inn’s still open,’ I pointed out, pulling a sweatshirt over my head. ‘Besides, look at this place! It’s chocolate box territory. I’ll be fine. And anyway,’ I added, trying to make light of the situation, ‘if Idoget killed, chances are I’ll still be hanging around. You won’t get rid of me that easily.’
‘That’s not funny,’ he said bleakly.
I wriggled into my jeans. ‘No,’ I said sadly. ‘It’s really not.’
‘Don’t go, Kirsty,’ he said.
But I needed to be alone. I needed to think.
‘I won’t be long,’ I promised him, pulling on my socks and boots and finding my coat. ‘Get some sleep.’
He gave me a look that told me he wouldn’t sleep a wink until I got back, and I couldn’t blame him. I’d have been exactly the same if our positions were reversed. I probably wasn’t being fair to him, but what was new?
All I knew for sure was that I needed to get out. I couldn’t ask Danny for forgiveness, but somehow, I had to try to forgive myself. Maybe a walk in the moonlight would help me make sense of the mess in my head. I could only hope.
* * *
March 2008
‘Are you sure you’re ready to do this, love?’
Dad’s face was creased with anxiety as he sat opposite me, the cardboard box on the table standing ominously between us.
‘We’d be more than happy to do it for you,’ Mum assured me, her hand gently rubbing my back in a comforting gesture. ‘We don’t mind.’
‘It’s been over a month,’ I said. ‘It’s time I faced up to it.’
Danny’s belongings had been returned to me a while ago now, but I hadn’t been able to look at them. Instead, I’d shoved the box in the cupboard under the stairs and tried to ignore its existence.
I knew Cal had helped Brooke’s parents go through her belongings, and Mum and Dad had offered many times to help me do the same, but it had taken time for me to build myself up to it. Now, though, I felt ready. It had to be done. His things couldn’t just sit there in the cupboard forever.
Gingerly, I lifted the flaps on the box and peered inside.
Danny’s clothes had, at our request, been cleaned before being returned to us. I wouldn’t have been able to cope with seeing them in the state they must have been in after the accident.
I shook my head slightly as I lifted out the Adam Ant costume.
‘Good grief,’ Dad said. ‘I never imagined anything so outlandish.’
‘You remember Adam Ant,’ Mum pointed out. ‘Don’t pretend you don’t. He was our era and I remember you singing “Stand and Deliver” at the top of your voice back in the day.’
I couldn’t even imagine it.Dad? The thought made me smile, which was a welcome occurrence given the solemnity of the occasion.
‘It’s just that I can’t see our Danny wearing clothes like these. He was always such a smart young lad, wasn’t he? And not the flashiest of people. I’d have thought he’d have hated the attention wearing this costume, of all things, would have brought.’
‘It was a fancy dress party!’ Mum pointed out.
‘I know that,’ Dad said. ‘Even so.’
I stroked the hussar jacket gently and gazed down at the leather trousers and folded tasselled boots. Dad had a point. Thiswasoutlandish for Danny, who was quite shy and never liked to draw attention to himself. I’d have put money on him choosing to wear some sort of over large suit and telling everyone he’d come as Rick Astley. Far more bland and discreet.
‘Brooke persuaded him to wear it,’ I said. ‘She thought he’d look great in it. To be fair, she was right. He did. In a funny way it suited him.’ I wondered how she’d managed to talk him into it.
