‘That,’ she told him sternly, ‘wasn’t even funny the first time I heard it back in primary school.’
‘Aw, come on. It was abitfunny!’
Seeing his pleading expression made her laugh. ‘Okay. Maybe a teensy bit.’
‘I’ll take that. And if it’s any consolation, you’re not the only one at a crossroads. I really haven’t got a clue what I’m going to do with myself. You know, it seemed easy enough before – winter, hibernation, that sort of thing. But now it’s spring and I feel as if I can’t hide away any longer. It’s time to do something with my life, but what?’
‘Would you be interested in buying and selling commercial property again?’ she asked, tentatively, not sure if his old profession held too many unhappy memories.
‘No,’ he said briefly. ‘I’ve moved on. That’s something Ian did, not Mac.’
‘You really do separate the two, don’t you?’ she said curiously. ‘Ian and Mac. Like they’re two different people.’
‘They are,’ he said firmly. ‘I left Ian behind in his old life. Now I need to figure out what kind of life Mac’s going to have.’
She wondered if it was because of the bullying that he wanted to leave Ian behind, though it seemed to her that life had been very cruel to him in many respects. What with the kids at school assaulting him, and then his business partner and so-called best friend betraying him in the worst possible way with his then wife. Even his children seemed to have abandoned him. It didn’t seem fair that someone as lovely and kind-hearted and gentle as he was should have been so badly treated. To think, she’d once believed he had a charmed life!
‘Well,’ she said, ‘what sort of thing would youliketo do? Have you any ideas?’
‘Not really. I just know I’d like to make a difference, before it’s too late. Do something good, you know? Help someone, somehow.’
That was so typical of him. She’d never met anyone with such a pure soul.
‘I do know how you feel. I’ve been thinking for ages that I should be doing something more with my life than working in a petrol station.’
‘Do you regret leaving teaching then?’ he asked. ‘Because you said yourself you weren’t happy doing that any longer, and at least with the petrol station you have no responsibility.’
‘No, I’m not thinking about teaching.’ She sighed. ‘I wish I knew what Iwasthinking about. It’s just… well, I know this may sound odd, but I keep thinking about Drew. He was so young. Far too young to die. We had all these plans, and then it was all taken away from us. And I think, I’m still here, and what am I doing with this extra life I’ve been given? The trouble is, whatcanI do at my age?’
‘I think we’re both very, very fortunate that we can afford to take our time to think about it,’ he said.
‘I know. Look at our Rosie. She’s got three jobs: cleaning at the pub and the caravan park and working in the chippy in Millensea. Bless her, she works so hard and for very little financial reward. But the thing is, she’s happy. Really happy. And I think that’s the difference, isn’t it? Take Jenna, for instance. She and her husband have both got good jobs with prospects, but are they happy?’
She frowned as she realised that, actually, she didn’t think they were. When was the last time she’d seen her daughter laughing or really enjoying herself? When was the last time the two of them had gone out socialising together, or even on holiday? What sort of life was that? What was the point of it all really?
‘And the twins,’ she continued sadly, ‘never get to see them. You know, they spend most of their time watching YouTube or glued to their tablets. I try to take them off them and they act as if I’m that horrible Miss Trunchbull fromMatilda! They don’t seem to have a proper relationship with Jenna and Joel at all.’
‘I can hardly talk,’ Mac said sadly. ‘I havenorelationship with Wyatt and Sarah. It’s funny, when Stella came round to see me, she was upset about her own kids. Ned’s working in Wales and Crystal’s mostly up at Puffin Point, working with her dad. Stella really misses them. It seems to be a common theme.’
‘I guess there are a lot of parents in our position,’ she agreed. ‘When you think of all the divorced couples out there, and the weekend dads, and the frantic pace of modern life, and the lack of communication…’
The sun was setting. It was harder to see the cattle now. He took her hand, and they began to walk back towards the house.
‘We were lucky,’ he said. ‘Growing up in a place like this at a time when it was a much slower pace of life. No tablets, no internet, no social media. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think everything about those days was better than it is now. It’s like I said before, it’s easy to look back at the past with rose-tinted glasses and stuff yourself on a big bucket of nostalgia, but there were bloody hard times for many people. In some ways, life’s so much easier now. But…’
‘But there’s a lot of pressure on parents,’ she said. ‘And a real lack of communication between some parents and children. Not all, by any means. But some. I know with Hallie and Ada, when they’re not glued to the internet, they’re rushing off to parties at fun palaces, or going to dance class or gymnastics, even at the age of seven. And Jenna and Joel are working so much, and now they’re probably paying for childcare…’ Her voice trailed off as the guilt attacked her again. ‘I don’t know what’s going to happen when I get home,’ she admitted miserably.
‘With you and Jenna?’
‘With all of it. I feel bad for her if I don’t have the twins, because I know how stressed she must be, but I’ll feel tired and fed up if I have them too much, and – oh, I hate to say this, butresentful. I don’t want to look after them all the time. I suppose what I want is an impossible dream. I want Jenna and Joel to wake up and realise that their daughters’ childhoods are slipping away, and they’re missing them. I want them to ease back on the work and spend time with their children before it’s too late. But how can they? Life just doesn’t work like that, does it?’
But did Joel really have to go to so many conferences and training courses? And did Jenna really have to prove herself so she could one day be a head teacher? And anyway, she’d found time to flirt with a colleague, hadn’t she? Time to arrange a night of passion with him while her husband was away. Time to dupe her own mother into babysitting her children so she could get up to all sorts in secret.
She was going round in circles, and she knew it.
‘Modern life,’ she said with a sigh. ‘If only everyone could have the sort of childhood we had.’
Mac squeezed her hand. ‘Hmm. Well, the good bits of it, anyway.’
