‘I’m so glad! And I’m so sorry. Oh, Mac, I’ve been such a bitch. Alison was right about that. I don’t know why I did it, I really don’t. Well, that’s not true, I do know, sort of. I was all mixed up and angry and hurt and I just wanted…’
‘To force me into selling Watersmeet? Is that what it was? Did you think that if you could get me gambling again, I’d get into so much debt that I’d have to part with it?’
She pulled away, wiping her nose on the tissue. ‘No. I don’t think so. I didn’t really think beyond you losing that money. I didn’t really think at all. I was just so angry, and I thought I wanted to teach you a lesson, but as soon as I’d done it I panicked and regretted it, but I couldn’t stop it. It was too late. So…’
‘So,’ Mac said, ‘you rang Gavin and told him what you’d done.’
‘He called you?’
‘He did. Checked up on me. I told him what I’m telling you. I’m fine. I wasn’t even tempted. I’ve got way too much to lose, and believe it or not, I really like my life now. I love it here. I’m not about to throw that away again.’
‘Oh, Mac,’ she breathed. ‘I’m so glad! And I’m so proud of you.’
He’d never expected to hear those words from his sister, and he swallowed. ‘Thank you. But Stella, it could have had a very different outcome, you understand that? Especially since Alison – what happened with her. I was vulnerable, just like I was when I found out about Lynne and Terry, and I could have gone down the same path. What you did was awful. Cruel.’
‘I know. I know it was, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am.’ She rubbed her eyes then looked at him with genuine pain. ‘Gavin told me, Mac. He told me what really happened. About Lynne and Terry’s affair. All those years! And about you giving her your half of the house proceeds and walking away with nothing. Why didn’t you tell me?’
Mac sighed. ‘He shouldn’t have done that. I asked him not to, and I explained my reasons. I don’t want the kids to ever find out what really happened. They’d lost all faith in me, and I didn’t want them to lose faith in their mum. Please tell me you haven’t contacted Lynne. I couldn’t stand it. I don’t want any of that raking up again.’
‘I haven’t, I swear it. I mean, I would have done if I’d known back then. I’d doubtless have gone round there and bawled her out, and you’re right, the kids would probably have found out all about it because I’d have been so furious about it all.’
She squeezed his hand. ‘I stillamfurious about it all. She let me think it was all your fault. She made me despise you.’
‘Stella,’ he said firmly, ‘itwas all my fault. The gambling bit anyway. Yes, Lynne and Terry behaved badly, deceiving me for all those years and betraying my trust, but they didn’t force me to throw away every penny I had on the horses, the cards, the roulette wheel. That was all me. My responsibility.’
‘It’s an addiction,’ she said sadly. ‘An illness. I didn’t understand, but I think I do now. A little bit anyway.’ She raised embarrassed eyes to him. ‘Drinking,’ she said quietly. ‘I think… I think I’ve got a bit of a problem with it.’
He nodded. ‘You think? Or you know?’
She took a deep breath. ‘I know. I’ve started to rely on it way too much. I’ve been so unhappy, Mac, and the alcohol seemed to take the edge off it, however temporarily. But it’s no solution, is it? I mean, alcohol’s a depressant in itself so it’s the last thing I should be doing. I’ve…’ She shook her head and gave a small laugh. ‘I’ve been to anAAmeeting in town. I stood up and said I was an alcoholic. Me! I’m so ashamed.’
He squeezed her shoulder, remembering his own battle, and thinking of Alison and her junk food habit, and of Doug, who’d stopped gambling and helped him so much but had been unable to kick the heavy smoking habit which had eventually led to his own untimely death.
People suffered and struggled so much, and they used all sorts of different props to help them through. It was easy to judge from the outside, but how many people could claim they didn’t havesomethingthey relied upon to cope? It was just that some addictions seemed to be more socially acceptable than others. But all of them had the potential to be dangerous, one way or the other.
‘Well done, Stella,’ he said. ‘I’m proud of you, too.’
‘It was after I transferred the money to you,’ she explained. ‘I couldn’t believe I’d done it. I was drunk, of course, and when I sobered up – oh, God. I was so disgusted with myself, and so terrified. I just didn’t know what to do. That’s why I called Gavin. He always knew what to say. I thought he’d fix it for me. I thought…’
‘That he’d come riding to your rescue and everything would resolve itself?’
She nodded. ‘When he made it very clear that he’d check on you, but he wasn’t going to come round and see me, I realised it really was over. I’ve been such a fool, haven’t I? Gavin doesn’t want me back, does he?’
Mac hesitated, not wanting to hurt her, but he realised there was no point sugar-coating this particular pill. She was going to have to swallow it, as bitter as it was.
‘No,’ he said, his eyes brimming with tears as she gazed up at him. ‘He’s moved on, and you have to as well. And you can,’ he added quickly. ‘You’ve got me. You’ll always have me. And Crystal and Ned.’
‘I don’t deserve you,’ she said.
‘Of course you do. We’ll help each other.’
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do, though. I’m sixty this year and look at me! I’m lost. Completely lost.’ She burst into tears and Mac hugged her tightly.
‘Help me then,’ he said impulsively. ‘Come into business with me. Help me turn this place into a refuge for people to reconnect with nature, with their loved ones, with themselves.’
She blinked away the tears and frowned. ‘What do you mean?’
Briefly he told her about his plans for Watersmeet.
