She paused, the sachet hovering above the mug. "Nyxath told me to continue, and before her, it was Ravel."
"Nyxath didn't see you this morning when you could barely open your eyes and shuffled to the bathroom like an eighty-year-old woman." I crossed the room and took it from her hand. "You're not getting better, Kailin. It's been a week since Podana, and even though you've been consuming enough food for two, you are still too thin and you lack energy. You have to tell Saphir what's going on."
"I'm sure it's normal." She snatched the packet from me. "It was a massive energy expenditure, and it makes sense that the bigger the ability used, the longer the recovery."
"How do you know that? Have you asked Saphir if he experiences the same depletion when performing his shamanic duties? What if this is cumulative damage and you are compounding it?"
She put the tea leaves on the desk and sank onto the bed. "We need the intelligence these dreams provide."
"The attack on Podana was a week ago, and the Shedun are still licking their wounds." I sat beside her, taking her hand in mine. They seemed so fragile, nearly translucent. "You need to give yourself time to recover fully before pushing yourself again."
"The next attack could come at any time."
"Or it could be weeks away. Months even." I squeezed her hand. "Please. Just take a few more nights off."
She studied my face. "You're really worried about me."
"I'm terrified," I admitted. "I thought it would pass, and that you would recover your strength in no time, but you are not getting any better."
Her expression softened. "My mind is fine. I'm just tired and unable to restore my fat reserves, which might not be a bad thing. I always wanted to be slimmer."
"You were perfect the way you were." I scooped her into my arms and pulled her into my lap. "I know that your special abilities make you valuable to Elucia and that you feel responsibility for guarding its future." I lifted her hand to mylips, kissing each knuckle. "But what about our future? I need you whole, Kailin. Alive and vibrant."
She was quiet for a long moment, then sighed. "How about a compromise? I'll drink half the usual amount. It will help me get a glimpse without the depletion of energy."
The dreams had come during the first half of the week even without the tea, so she would have gotten that glimpse even if she didn't drink any of it, but given the stubborn set of her jaw, this was the best I'd get.
"A third?" I tried.
"Half." She wiggled out of my arms and went on to prepare the tea.
When it was done, she finished it in one go, grimacing at the taste. "I should get some honey to sweeten it."
"Don't. You'd be tempted to drink more."
"I don't think so." She put the empty mug on her desk. "Now, how about we push these beds together?"
I smiled. "This time we won't have to separate them in the morning. They could stay like that until the end of the year when they move us up a level."
"It feels a little strange." She arranged the blankets on top of the combined bed. "I have to admit that when I imagined eventually sharing quarters with my fiancé, it wasn't quite like this." She laughed. "Two narrow beds pushed together in a military academy dorm room. Not exactly the height of romance."
"When you put it that way..." I smiled, but my smile faded as her words reminded me how impossible our future seemed.
She noticed my darkening mood and frowned. "What's wrong? You just went somewhere far away in your head."
I sat on the bed, pulling her down beside me. "I promised your grandmother she would dance at your wedding while she could still manage it."
"And?"
"And that's a promise I probably can't keep." The words tasted bitter. "The Citadel will likely be the only home we can share. Even if we marry, it would have to be without my parents. My father would never approve a match with—" I caught myself, but the damage was done.
"With an Elucian," she finished calmly. "I know."
"It's not about you personally. You're extraordinary. But the politics, the reaction from the noble houses..." I ran a hand through my hair in frustration. "The best I could offer you would be a secret ceremony. No grand celebration, no state acknowledgment, just us and maybe your family, and I hate doing it like that. I want to scream to the world that you are mine."
"Stop." She placed a finger over my lips. "Do you really think I care about any of that? Grand celebrations and state acknowledgments?" She shook her head. "My idea of a perfect wedding is a simple ceremony with the people we love. My parents, grandmother, and our friends. That's all I need. All I want."
"But you deserve so much more."
