"I'll help you."
He shook his head. "You need to conserve your strength. I can do it myself."
I didn't argue, suddenly feeling the exhaustion bone deep. Sitting down on my bed, I watched him arrange his books on Shovia's desk and place his uniforms and other clothing in the wardrobe.
"There," he said. "I'm all moved in."
"That was easy." I started taking off my boots.
"The physical part usually is," he agreed. "It's everything else that gets complicated."
"What do you mean?"
He sat on the bed next to me. "This is a big step. Living together means seeing each other at our worst, not just our best. Morning moods, bad days, the times when we need space but can't get it. It's different from choosing to spend time together."
I wondered if he had ever lived with a woman, but since I didn't want to hear the answer to that, I didn't ask. "We are already spending most of our free time together. We'll be fine."
He grimaced. "I just don't want you to be disappointed."
I laughed. "Alar, I've seen you with altitude sickness, upset stomach, and needlessly jealous over Ravel. I've also seen you take charge of rescue efforts and save people. You might not be perfect, but you are as close as it gets."
He lifted our joined hands and kissed my knuckles. "You always know what to say to make me feel good."
"It's a gift," I said, pretending humility. "By the way, I also asked Ravel for weapons, and he said he would consider that. I'll remind him tomorrow."
Alar nodded. "I would feel better having something to protect you with aside from my bare hands. Although I'm good at hand-to-hand."
"I know. I've seen you defeat one guy after the other on the sparring mat."
"Except for Morek. He's the undefeated champion."
"The one who moves faster than thought," I said. "Sometimes it really looks like he does."
Female cadets trained separately in hand-to-hand, but we would eventually have to fight the guys, and I wasn't looking forward to it. As our instructor kept reminding us, we couldn't really compete with the males' superior strength, their higher bone density, and all the other physical advantages they were born with, so we would have to fight dirty and use nasty tricks. I wondered how she expected us to do that to our friends, and even more so, why she thought that it would be effective on the Shedun, who fought dirtier than any of us could even imagine.
"You know what the strangest part is?" Alar said.
"What?"
"How normal this feels. Like we've been doing this for years."
"We've been spending our nights together, but it has only been weeks, not years." I leaned against his shoulder. "I'm glad we have this. After we graduate, we will get an apartment on one of the upper levels all to ourselves."
He stiffened next to me, and I knew that he was thinking about his family and their objection to me.
"It's going to be okay," I murmured. "Everything is going to somehow work out."
"It has to." He pulled me close against his chest.
18
ALAR
The woman I love is preparing to poison herself again with that cursed tea, and I can't stay silent. The cost she pays for the use of her abilities is too steep, and I fear that one day there will be nothing left of her.
—From the private journal of Alar Tekum
"Don't," I said as Kailin pulled the sachet of tea leaves from her drawer. "You can't keep doing it. You need to let your body rest."
