"Both are easy to forge." He ran his fingers through his hair. "It might be cowardly on my part, but I'm glad that it's out of my hands, and I don't have to decide anything. The only way I'm going is if my family makes an official request through the appropriate diplomatic channels."
46
ALAR
"The stories we tell ourselves are the most convincing of all, for we know exactly what we want to hear."
—King Aldric III of Catonia, Letters to My Daughters
Dawn light crept through the window, as I lay still, listening to Kailin's steady breathing beside me.
She'd finally fallen asleep a few hours ago, exhaustion winning out over fear. I hadn't been so lucky. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw my father on his deathbed, or myself falling, or my mother's grief over losing both of us.
Was staying the right choice?
Saphir's restrictions might have applied only after the bonding, not before, so I might have misrepresented them to Kailin.
He hadn't offered me the option to leave now, and it was possible that if I asked to be released before the bonding, his answer would still be the same, but there was a small chance that it wouldn't.
Even then, I could put my foot down as the prince of Catonia, threaten an international incident with the Elurian Federation, and demand to be transported to the border.
I doubted I would be denied.
After the bonding, I would fully belong to Elucia, so things might get more complicated, but knowing my family, they were already drafting correspondence to submit to the Elucian government.
Still, what I had told Kailin hadn't been the entire truth, and I'd pretended that the decision was out of my hands even prior to bonding.
I knew it was cowardice and had done it anyway because the alternative was too painful.
If I acknowledged that I could leave, then I would have to choose between my dying father and my dreams and aspirations for becoming a rider and, in time, creating a dragon force to protect Eluria. I would have to choose between my family's demands and the woman I loved, between the life I was born into and the life I wanted to build for myself.
Kailin stirred beside me, and I turned my head to watch her wake. Her blond hair was tangled from restless sleep, and dark circles shadowed her blue eyes. Bonding couldn't come fast enough for her. She desperately needed her dragon's strength to fortify her.
"Good morning." I smiled and leaned to kiss her forehead.
"Good morning." She regarded me with worried eyes. "Did you sleep at all?"
"A little." I brushed off a strand of hair that was stuck to her cheek. "We should start getting ready."
Neither of us moved.
Last night's conversation hung between us, with all the things we'd said and all the things we hadn't. I had told her about my mother's last letter. She had told me her prophecy. We had argued, she'd cried, and then we'd held each other in the darkness.
And in the end, nothing had been resolved.
"Alar." Kailin pushed herself up on one elbow. "We need to talk about what happens if the official summons from your family arrives because I'm sure it will, and then Saphir will have to release you."
I didn't want to have this conversation. I wanted to get dressed, make some caff, go to the ceremony, bond with a dragon, and pretend that everything was going to be fine. I wanted to bury my head in the sand and hope that the problem would go away.
"I don't want to talk about it, and please, don't take it the wrong way. I don't want to work myself up before the ceremony and get passed by all the reasonable dragons. A bad mood might attract the one that none of us wants to bond with."
I knew that she feared that, which was precisely why I brought it up. I hadn't grown up in the court of Catonia without mastering the art of manipulation. That I was using it on the woman I loved was despicable, but what I'd said wasn't a lie. It was a relevant point.
The fear that entered Kailin's expression made me feel guilty, but not enough to retract what I'd said.
"You don't get off the hook that easily, Alar. If I didn't know what's on the table, I would be distraught, and then I could be chosen by the one undesirable dragon. You know a lot more about politics and what an official summons means to both countries. All I'm asking is for you to share that knowledge with me."
I shouldn't have underestimated her.
