I was getting ready to answer when there was a knock at the door.
Morek emerged from the kitchen. "I'll get it."
He checked through the peephole, a habit we'd all developed since the attack, and then opened the door to reveal Saphir, with Moki perched on his shoulder as always.
"Good evening," the shaman said, stepping inside. His ancient eyes swept the room, taking in everything. "I'm happy to see that you are all keeping up with your studies."
"We are doing our best," Codric said, suddenly awake and sitting up straight. "But Morek applies himself more to learning to cook than going over the materials before the finals."
"I know how to cook," Morek grumbled. "I'm just getting better at it."
Saphir smiled, but his attention had already shifted to me. "Kailin. You look troubled."
"I decided to resume drinking the tea," I said before I could lose my nerve. "Starting tonight."
Saphir's smile faded, and Moki chirped while wagging his arm at me, which I took to mean that he was as unhappy about it as Saphir was.
"I strongly advise against it," the shaman said. "You haven't recovered from the last session, and you haven't been cleared by Chief Medic Thoran."
He hadn't said that he forbade it, just that he advised against it, so I took it to mean that he was ready to hear my arguments. I had room to wiggle.
"I'm fine," I said.
"You're better, but that's not fine." He leaned forward. "You can wait five more days."
"A lot can happen in five days, and the stress is just as bad for my health as having the dreams. The difference is that my stress doesn't contribute anything to Elucia, while my dreams can save lives. A network has been growing for almost twenty years right under everyone's noses, and we don't know how many converts are out there or what they are planning."
Saphir was quiet for a long moment. Moki's large eyes blinked at me, seeming to reflect my own anxiety back at me.
"Kailin." Alar pushed to his feet and walked to stand behind me, his hand on my shoulder. "It's not likely that anything will happen in the next five days, and once you are bonded to a dragon, you will have a lot of energy to draw on. Please. Think about this."
"I've been thinking about nothing else for weeks. I can't take the stress anymore."
"You nearly died three days ago," he insisted. "A man had his hands around your throat, trying to choke the life out of you. You need time to heal."
I reached up to cover his hand with mine. "I was given this gift for a reason, Alar. If I don't use it, what's the point of being gifted?"
"The point is staying alive long enough to use it when it matters."
"It matters now." I turned to face him, taking his hands in mine. "Even if the tea depletes me again, the bond will help me recover faster. Think with your mind rather than your heart. If I were a stranger and you were weighing risks versus benefits, what would you recommend?"
I saw the answer in his eyes, but he was still not willing to admit it and shook his head. "But you are not a stranger, and I'm afraid for you. I'm afraid you will have a dream that will suck thelife out of you again. In five days, you will become immortal. I'd rather you wait."
"About that," Saphir said. "It doesn't happen overnight. The body changes for several months, growing progressively more resilient. The bond, however, provides the rider with added strength as soon as it is formed."
I hadn't known that. Dylon had never mentioned that the process of turning immortal took time. Perhaps he didn't want our parents to worry, or maybe it was a secret that riders weren't supposed to share with anyone outside the Dragon Force. Still, it wasn't enough to change my mind about resuming drinking the tea.
"Do I need your permission?" I asked the shaman. "Or is it up to me how far I'm willing to push my body?"
Saphir regarded me with his ancient eyes. "I can forbid it, but I won't. Still, if you're determined to do this, we should at least minimize the risks."
"What do you suggest?"
"A lower dose. Half of what you were taking before. And not every night—every other night, to give your body time to recover between sessions."
"If I don't have prophetic dreams, I don't get exhausted. I can drink the full dose every night."
"It's a compromise, Kailin." Saphir smiled. "Work with me."
