“Except for the night we went to the club.”
“That was different.”
“Yeah, I guess it was,” she agreed.Because it had been about setting the stage for the night.
His teeth ground audibly before he said, “All right, so I don’t tell you what to wear.”He narrowed his eyes.“Except if I have a special adventure planned.And we’re not in each other’s pockets, we don’t have to explain when we do things without each other, and we’re not living together.”He tilted his head slightly and raised a brow.“Did I miss anything?”
In for a penny, in for a pound, as the old saying went.She might as well get all the arguing done now, then they could get back to the great sex.“I don’t think the bedroom should be a battleground.I mean, like using sex as a weapon, withholding it when we’re mad about something or whatever, using it as part of a power play.It should just be hot, sexy fun, like we already have.”
He stood then, not raging but measured, the line of his jaw hard.As he looked down at her on her knees, she felt the power shift between them, but she refused to get up.She wouldn’t be intimidated.
“Is that everything?”he asked, so mildly that it was actually worse than if he’d shouted.
She huffed out a breath.“That’s it.”
“Then let me give you my answer.”
She shuddered inside, fearing for the first time that he might actually leave.That he hated her need for rules.That he didn’tunderstand.
He dropped to eye level, hunkered in front of her, and reached out to take her chin in his hand to make sure she was looking at him.“I’m not your fucking ex-husband.”The words ended on a hiss, and his eyes darkened to a deep umber.“I do not use sex as a weapon or to punish you.I do not care what you wear as long as you feel good wearing it.”He was breathing hard as if he had to restrain himself.“I do not want to lock you up in the house and keep you away from your friends or your daughters.I have no intention of telling you what you can and can’t do.I don’t want to fuck other women, and despite all the fantasies we’ve shared with each other, I don’t want you to fuck other men.Although I enjoy a bit of fun, like we had at the club and on the dance floor and in the park, I don’tneedthat.I like to watch and I like a little risk, but I’m not willing to put our relationship at risk.So don’t draw any parallels between your marriage and what we have together.Don’t compare me to your fucking ex-husband.Because I’m not him.And I won’t treat you the way he did.”
She had to take a breath.She hadn’t even realized she’d been holding it.“You don’t even know what my marriage was like.”
“Hello!”He tapped his temple.“You’ve told me plenty, even if you don’t realize it.And your new list of rules told me the rest.”
“Those were just things we needed to talk about, so we understand each other, so there aren’t problems down the road.Every couple should talk over their own personal rules.”
His mouth flattened into a tight line.“That’s not a list of rules.It’s a list of what you’re afraid I’m going to do to you down the road.”Then, as if he’d flipped a switch, his gaze turned gentle, and he cupped her cheek.“I don’t want to control you, I want to love you.I don’t want to tell you what to do, I want to make you feel good.I want to make you smile when you wake up in the morning, to make you happy to come home to me.I want to support you in your career and in whatever you choose to do.I want your daughters to say, ‘You know, Knox is really good for Mom and she’s really happy.’And I want you tobehappy with me.Because if you live in fear of how I’ll react to something, then this isn’t worth it.”He dropped his hand, but held her with the power of his gaze.“The question is whether you want to love me without fear.Because I don’t want us to be together any other way.”
Why did his words hurt so badly?Because she wanted everything he said.She wanted to be happy with him.She wanted to love him.She wanted him to love her.
And yet… Oh God…
She told him the terrible truth.“I’m too afraid to try.”
20
God, he wanted to kiss her.Hold her.Make love to her for hours on end.
But they had to deal with her fears, or they’d never make it.
“I know you’re afraid.I know you don’t want to be hurt again.”She’d mentioned her husband, told him bits and pieces, but until she’d listed her rules, he hadn’t truly grasped just what the man had done to her.He’d taken away the job she loved.He’d belittled her, controlled her.But thank God he hadn’t tried to take her daughters away from her.
Knox knew she would never have survived that.He cupped her cheeks in his hands as her emotions played across her face.She’d held him at arm’s length for weeks.All out of fear when he’d believed she was fearless.
“Did you think I’d get jealous seeing other men looking at you?”
“I thought you loved it,” she said, her voice soft and stuffy with tears she didn’t shed.
“I loved it.And I hated it,” he admitted.“I wanted it and was afraid of it.Afraid you’d choose one of those men over me.”
Her gaze on him was mystified.“Why would Ieverchoose anyone over you?”
He put her hand to his heart.“Feel how hard it’s beating?That’s fear.”Maybe revealing his own fears would help her.“Fear you’ll never let me into your life all the way.That you’ll always need to have rules that keep me at bay.That you don’t want this thing between us to last.That you want only the phone calls and the hot sex.”He leaned in for a sweet kiss on her lips, craving the taste of her.“I’m so afraid you don’t want me in your life.And I don’t know how I’ll handle it if you don’t.”
She trailed a finger down his cheek.“Of course I want you.I’ve wanted you since the moment I saw you.And I’ve been a goner since you stepped into my office and I knew you’d heard everything I said.Because I was pretty sure I used your name for my fantasy man.”
He smiled, wanting to feel it deep in his bones.“You definitely said my name.Loud and clear.I knew I was on your mind.”
