"I should have been with you."
"Why? So we could both be dealing with evacuation chaos?" He shook his head. “We divide and conquer. That’s what works for us. Besides, one of us could have been stabbed too. I’m glad you weren’t here.”
"I don't like dividing when it means you're in danger."
"I'm always in danger. That's my job. But I'm also really good at my job. Which means I'm really good at not dying."
"Statistics would suggest?—"
"Don't." He cut me off firmly. "Don't start calculating probabilities. Just focus on the now. We’re together. We’re safe.”
He was right about that. I'd been running numbers in my head since the first call, all the ways it could have gone wrong, all the percentages and risk factors. It was driving me insane.
"How do you do it?" I asked. "How do you stay calm when I'm in danger?"
Pip was quiet for a moment. "I don't," he admitted. "I just hide it better. And I trust that you're smart enough to handle yourself. Sometimes I’ve even tracked you down to act as your shadow."
“You have?”
He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to mine. "Of course I have. I’ve been obsessed with you for far longer than you truly understand. I love you, Henny."
The admission made something in my chest ease. He got it. He understood the fear, the helplessness, the desperate need to know the other person was safe.
"I'm sorry I fell apart," I said.
"Daddy, you have every right to. Shit today had been bad. I was seconds away from a murder spree when traffic picked up on the way here. My driver probably shit himself when I pulled out my gun.”
I chuckled. “You terror.”
“Your terror. It’s ok to lose your cool, Henny. You're allowed to be scared when someone you care about is in danger. That's normal."
"I don't like it."
"Nobody does. But that's what happens when you let someone in. If I can trust you to be my Daddy, then you can accept sometimes you’re going to worry about me to the point of panic." His smile was gentle.
The logic was absurd but somehow made sense. We'd both made ourselves vulnerable. That was what love meant.
I pulled him closer, needing the physical contact. He came willingly, wrapping his arms around me while I buried my face against his neck. We stayed like that, breathing together, until my heart rate finally returned to normal.
"Better?" he asked after a while.
I loosened my grip slightly. "Getting there. Don't do that again."
"Get caught in a bomb threat? I'll do my best to avoid it."
"Don't make me sit helpless while you're in danger."
He pulled back to look at me. "Can't promise that. Sometimes the job splits us up."
"I know."
I did know. Logically, I understood. But logic didn't help when fear took over.
"I just need you to be careful, please."
"Daddy… I'm always careful." The words came with a smirk.
The promise settled into my bones. We took care of each other. That's what this was. We were each other's safety net.
