Unfortunately, wanting and having were different things. Having meant admitting how deeply Pip had burrowed under my skin. Having meant giving up the illusion of control I'd maintained so carefully.
Having meant letting Pip see just how infatuated I'd truly become.
"Henny."
I turned. Pip stood in the middle of the room, and the tense energy from downstairs had drained away. He looked uncertain in a way that made my overworking mind shut down.
"Are we going to talk more about us? Or are you going to pretend you need to file reports for the next three hours?"
My mouth curved into a smile despite myself. "I actually do need to file reports."
"Liar."
"Maybe." I took a step closer. Then another. "Or maybe I'm just trying to figure out how to do this."
Pip's eyes darkened. "There’s nothing to figure out. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it."
"You make it sound so simple. We both know it’s not." The admission came out quieter than I intended. "You already have more of me than anyone ever has. If I give you the rest…"
"Then you'd be trusting me. Which I know is terrifying for someone who needs to control everything. But Henny, I'd never hurt you. Not on purpose. Not ever." He closed the distancebetween us, stopping just shy of touching me. “I’ve fucked people up for looking at you wrong. I’d do the same to myself if it came to that.”
The thing was, I believed him. I believed in the sincerity underneath his history of chaos and violence.
“You’ve fucked people up for looking at me wrong?”
He groaned. “Yessss. I love when you cuss. Gets my cock all hard.”
“That didn’t answer the question.”
“I know. Give me a minute.” His hand pressed to the front of his pants as he took a deep breath. “Yeah, ok. It’s true. There have been people in the past who stared at you funny. I got the vibe they’d come after you to get to Rel. They died as a precaution. Couldn’t have them take what I wanted.”
I shook my head, not quite believing what I was hearing. It would take some time for me to come to grips with what he’d done.
Overall, I didn’t feel upset. Relief flowed through me knowing how invested he was.
"I'm supposed to be the controlled one. The professional. Not the person who gets worked up anytime you walk into a fucking room. That’s where my problem lies." My jaw clenched.
"I affect you that much?" Pip pressed, and there was hunger in his voice now.
"Yes. And if we give in, I’m going to keep you. I want it so badly it's terrifying."
The silence stretched between us. Then Pip reached up and started unbuttoning his shirt, fingers steady despite the intensity in his eyes.
"What are you doing?"
"Showing you that you're not the only one who's completely gone." Pip shrugged out of his shirt, letting it fall to the floor. "I told you I'd be whatever you wanted me to be. I meant it."
My hands fisted at my sides, fighting the urge to reach out and touch.
"Tell me what you want."
"I want," I swallowed hard as I fought to find words. "I want you to stop undressing yourself."
Pip's hands froze. "You don’t want me undressed?”
"If we're doing this, I want to be the one who undresses you. I want to be in control of how fast or slow we go."
His hands dropped to his sides, and the trust he showed made heat spike through my veins. "I'm yours. Have been for a while now."
