“It's not that I wanted to say anything bad,” Henri interrupted. “It's that you’re usually so chaotic. I can't imagine what could be so horrible to give you nightmares. I've seen you torture people Pip. It's insanity.”
I grinned at his choice of words. The movement reminded him that he was still touching me, and I saw the realization on his face. He yanked his hands away, though stayed close still in his kneeling position.
“I know that I'm psychotic. I understand that my ways don't make sense to everyone, but for me, it's about being able to control who gets to suffer.”
His eyes widened. “Because you couldn't control it before.”
I nodded as I sat up and stretched. The nightmares meant I wouldn't be able to go to sleep for a while. Not unless there was something else for me to do to wear myself out.
Usually that meant a fight or fucking. I couldn't do either at the moment. There was no way I was going to go hunt someone down and attempt to bring them back here or go to their room leaving Henny unprotected.
It wasn't an option.
He watched me move, a frown covering his handsome face. “You're not going back to sleep then?”
“No, I can't. I'm not going to be able to go to sleep for a while.”
This caring, comforting mode he was in made me feel seen. Like someone was taking the time to properly get to know me.
“I mean, it's fine,” I told him. “You can go in the other room. I'll pull out my phone and watch videos or something. Maybe play some Sudoku until I get tired.”
He tilted his head.
“Is it the being alone that's a problem?”
“Being alone? I don't think that that's even a thing. I don't typically,” I paused because technically, yes, it was about being alone.
When I thought about fighting or fucking, I was surrounded by other people. And usually, I went to sleep with someone in my bed or me in theirs.
I shrugged one shoulder. “I guess it could be part of it. Still, I’ll be okay. You just go to sleep. I know you're busy tomorrow.”
He brought his fingers to his nose and pinched the bridge. I can tell he didn't want to say whatever he was about to say next, but much like I was a violent psycho, Henny had a good streak a mile wide.
“Come into my room. You can lay on the bed on top of the blankets. Bring your blanket. Being close to someone should help.”
It took every ounce of control I had in my body to not leap up and wrap myself around him like a koala.
This wasn't progress.
It was way fucking above where we'd been even at the start of last night.
Wordlessly, I grabbed the blanket and followed him back towards the bedroom. He climbed in first under the blankets, then stared at me until I moved.
I laid down on the fully made side and dragged my comforter up to my chin. He clicked off the bedside lamp.
We didn’t speak. Just laid there on our backs like this was normal. Yeah, right. Nothing about tonight had been.
My eyes stayed on the ceiling as I adjusted to the darkness.
It was quiet. You didn’t get all the noise from the hotel and casino this high up.
After a few moments, I heard his breath even out. It shocked me he could go to sleep again so quickly after all of that. Even more so that he trusted me to lie beside him.
I could do anything to him right now. I wouldn't,of course. I wasn't a monster.
Not in that way.
Consent was important. More than that, I didn't want to be the one to initiate anything. I might orchestrate stuff though. Meddling was fun.
