How he called me "bud" and "sweet boy" and made me feel cherished in ways I'd never experienced before.
Simon was everything I'd ever wanted in a Daddy. Strong but gentle. Firm but understanding. Patient with my fears and encouraging with my growth.
And my Secret Santa was everything I could want in a caregiver too—attentive, thoughtful, generous with both gifts and affection.
I only wished they could be the same person.
The thought hit me like a physical blow. What if I had to choose? What if my Secret Santa was someone else, someone who wanted to be my Daddy, and I had to decide between them and Simon?
I couldn't do it.Wouldn'tdo it.
Simon was mine. I was his. We'd claimed each other, even if we hadn't said the words out loud yet.
But the guilt gnawed at me. My Secret Santa had put so much thought, so much care, into these gifts. They clearly wanted to be in my life, wanted to take care of me. Was I being unfair by having feelings for Simon while accepting gifts from someone else?
"There you are."
I looked up to find Bobby Allen standing in the stall doorway with a soft smile on his face.
"Sorry," I said, wiping quickly at my eyes. "I was just?—"
"No need to explain." He nodded at the elephant. "That's a good gift. Real thoughtful."
"It is." I stroked the elephant's ear. "All the gifts have been thoughtful."
"Your Secret Santa must care about you a lot."
"I guess so." I took a shaky breath. "I just wish I knew who it was."
Bobby Allen leaned against the doorframe. "Why's that? Worried you won't like who it is?"
"No, I—" I struggled to find the words. "I want to thank them. Properly. And I want to know if they… if they expect something from me. Because I'm with Simon now, and I don't want to lead anyone on or hurt anyone's feelings."
Understanding dawned on Bobby Allen's face. "Ah. You think your Secret Santa might want to be more than just your gift-giver."
“Possibly?" I felt my cheeks heat. "These gifts, they're so personal. So specific to what I need as a little. What if they think?—"
"Tanner." Bobby Allen's voice was gentle but firm. "I can't tell you who your Secret Santa is. That's not my place. But I can tell you this: whoever it is, they're giving you these gifts because they care about you. Because they want to see you happy. That's all. There are no strings attached, no expectations."
"How do you know?"
"Because that's what love looks like on this ranch. Taking care of each other. Looking out for one another. Giving without expecting anything in return." He pushed off the doorframe. "Now come on. Bring your new friend and let's get you inside. It's cold out here, and you're still in house slippers."
I looked down at my feet and realized he was right. In my excitement, I hadn't even thought to put on proper boots.
I stood, clutching my elephant, and followed Bobby Allen out of the stall. As we walked back toward the main house, I thought about what he'd said.
No strings attached. No expectations.
Maybe I was overthinking this. Maybe my Secret Santa really was just a friend who wanted to take care of me, who wanted to help me embrace this part of myself without asking for anything in return.
And if that was true, then I could accept these gifts with a full heart. Could let myself be grateful without feeling guilty about Simon.
Inside, the house was warm and full of activity. Several of the ranch hands were in the kitchen, grabbing lunch. I spotted Sean at the table, and he waved me over excitedly.
"Is that from your Secret Santa?" he asked, eyeing the elephant.
I nodded, setting it carefully on the chair beside me as I sat down. "Yeah. They made a whole scavenger hunt for me with Polaroid photos."
