"Come in," I called, setting down my colored pencil.
Sean poked his head in, his face lighting up when he saw what I was doing. "Oh my gosh, can I join you?"
"Really?" I felt a flutter of excitement. I'd been enjoying the solitude, but the idea of coloring with a friend sounded even better.
"Really." He disappeared for a moment, then came back with his own coloring supplies—a well-used set of markers and several books that looked like they'd seen plenty of love. "Daddy is out with Simon and Jackson, and I was going to color anyway. Figured we could have a playdate."
A playdate.The word made me feel warm and accepted.
We settled on the bed together, each with our own books. Sean put on some soft music from his phone, and we colored in comfortable silence for a while.
"Your Secret Santa is spoiling you," Sean commented after a bit, nodding toward my art supplies.
"They really are." I paused in my coloring. "Do you know who it is?"
"I might," he said mysteriously. "But I can't tell. That's the whole point of Secret Santa."
"I know, but…" I chewed my lip. "I just want to thank them. These gifts… they're so thoughtful. So perfectly me. It's like they can see inside my head."
Sean smiled softly. "Maybe they just pay really good attention."
We went back to coloring. I finished my mandala and held it up to admire it. The colors blended together beautifully, creating something that was both intricate and soothing to look at.
"That's gorgeous," Sean said. "You're really good at this."
"Thanks." I felt a flush of pride. "I'm having fun."
"That's what matters." He reached for his sippy cup—he had one too, I noticed, covered in rainbow stripes—and took a sip. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Are you happy here? Like, really happy?"
I didn't even have to think about it. "Yeah. I really am. Happier than I've been in… I don't know. Years, maybe."
"Good." Sean bumped his shoulder against mine. "You deserve to be happy, Tanner. You spend so much time taking care of everyone else. It's nice to see you being taken care of for a change."
"Simon's really good at it," I admitted quietly.
"He is. And you're really good at letting him, which isn't always easy." Sean started coloring again. "When I first got with Atticus, I had such a hard time accepting care. I kept thinking I had to earn it somehow, or that I was being a burden."
"What changed?"
"Atticus sat me down and explained that letting him take care of me wasn't a burden; it was a gift. That my submission, my trust, was something precious. Once I understood that, everything got easier."
I thought about that as I started a new page in my coloring book. Simon had said something similar, about how letting him care for me was me taking care of him in return.
Maybe they were right. Maybe accepting love and care wasn't selfish. Maybe it was necessary.
We colored for another hour before Sean's phone buzzed with a text. He checked it and smiled.
"Daddy says they're heading back. Apparently Simon's been asking about you every five minutes." Sean waggled his eyebrows. "Someone's smitten."
"Stop," I said, but I was smiling.
"It's cute! You're both cute!" Sean started gathering his supplies. "Come on, let's go downstairs. I'm hungry, and I heard something about grilled cheese for lunch."
We made our way down to the kitchen, where Harlan was indeed making grilled cheese sandwiches. I grabbed my sippy cup—I'd refilled it with lemonade—and settled at the counter.
