I moved my hand in a talking motion to tease Sean. "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'm going. Y'all worry about your holiday festive stuff. I've got things to do."
I left the room with one last look at Tanner, who smiled softly at me and waved goodbye.
As I stepped out onto the back porch and tightened my coat around me, I paused to replay the last few moments. Not only so I could picture Tanner's face, but also because an idea came to mind. One that I couldn't really pass up.
Maybe Sean would get his wish after all.
I had the sudden urge to play Santa.
CHAPTER
FIVE
Tanner
Without Simon around, I felt a little lost. He had been the touchstone when I arrived—the person that saw me at my darkest point and brought me back into the light, sort of. And now he was gone. Sure, it was to get me clothing, which I was grateful for, but it was also making me unsteady. Adrift in a way I didn't want to examine too closely.
Sean noticed and spoke up. "We’re not going to do anything today. The plan is to sit and relax."
I dropped onto the couch when he shoved me, my jaw dropping. "But don't you have things to do? Is there something I can help with?"
He grabbed the remote from the coffee table and plopped down beside me. Next, he tugged a blanket from the back of the couch and covered us both, wiggling until he was satisfied. The television came on with a press of the remote, and Sean started flipping through channels at a rapid pace.
I wanted him to answer me. Wanted there to be some indication that he'd heard me and knew that I wasn't only here to bum off of them.
As if he could sense I wasn't going to budge, he turned with a heavy sigh. "After everything you just said, I really think taking a day to do nothing is important. You've been stressed and overworked. Honestly, you're probably burned out. It sounds like it's been a nightmare."
I swallowed, my voice thick. Since words wouldn't come, I gave a gentle bob of my head to say he was right.
His smile was soft. I could feel the empathy radiating off him. His hand patted mine. "Yes, exactly. So there's no reason for you to continue working. Besides, it's not like you could go out and shovel horse shit in those clothes. They're practically drowning you."
I giggled at his description and raised my arm to show all the loose fabric and how long it hung over my hand. I gathered the excess in my fists and pulled the sleeve close to me. There was a faint scent there—something that I suspected was all Simon. Maybe because he'd brought it to me and held it close to himself.
I wouldn't even care if they were dirty clothes. It was comforting. I felt like I had a piece of him here with me.
Not that I wouldn't dare voice that out loud. No need to be made to feel like a stalker or anything.
I settled into the couch as Sean went back to changing the channels. There was no point in arguing with him. He'd made up his mind. I wouldn't convince him to change it.
Atticus came back in the room after leaving Simon behind, and leaned over Sean to give him a kiss. "I'm gonna go check on the guys. Ring me if y'all need anything. And Harlan said he would put some snacks together later, too."
Sean dropped the remote and clapped his hands. "Thank you, Daddy. That's perfect."
Atticus beamed at his boy before giving me a head nod and leaving.
I sighed because damn if they weren't couple goals.
"What's wrong, friend?" Sean asked.
"Nothing. I just…" I trailed off, uncertain how to finish. While everyone on the ranch knew that I was little, I don't think they knew just how little. I'd come and played with people. I'd even been in the bouncy house a time or two. But anything beyond that was not something I did. It was easier to be the lawyer friend who occasionally played with everyone.
Deep down inside, I was more.
I was someone's special boy. The one they cared for and checked up on. The one they made sure ate and slept and took cozy baths full of bubbles and toys. I wanted to be spoiled, not in a selfish way. More like in a way that made me feel loved.
Sean wrapped his arm around my shoulder, dragging me from my internal thoughts. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone else. It'll be our secret." He leaned closer, tilting his head toward mine. "Especially if it has anything to do with you wanting a D-A-D-D-Y of your own."
He spelled out the word as if it were something naughty, and I giggled. I could feel myself slipping into a smaller mindset with him. Between the cozy blanket and the oversized clothing and his kindness, I was a goner.
