But wallowing in the frustration of my awkwardness wouldn't do me any good. I needed to get myself in order.
Sleep.
I needed to sleep.
Pulling the comforter back, I eased underneath the warmth and snuggled into the pillow—soft and smelling faintly of lavender. Sure, the light was still on, but that didn't matter to me. I was exhausted in my soul, bone-deep tired in a way that went beyond physical.
I wasn't sure anything would be disruptive enough to keep me awake.
As I lay there, I pondered how the future would go. I needed to make a change—a real one, not just talking about it in therapy sessions I barely made time for. Going on like this would only to lead to worse problems.
And I wouldn't always have the ranch. There would come a point where I needed to find my own happy, safe space… A place that I could control or that I was welcomed into endlessly.
Taking advantage of my friends wasn't how I wanted to live my life.
At the same time, I had no clue how to make that happen. While I had money, I didn't have the energy and time to invest in making a house a home. More than anything, I wished for someone to step in and take care of things.
For someone to take care of me.
I wanted a partner.
A Daddy.
It was a role I never expected to fill, not with the long hours I worked and the lack of socialization. If the person wasn't on the ranch or at a Market Day, I likely wouldn't meet them outside of a courthouse. Even then, those were people related to either my client or to a case.
That was a strict no-go for me.
Which meant my options were limited. It meant that my future was unsteady, built on sand rather than solid ground.
As I drifted into sleep, my mind conjured images of me bundled in someone's arms. Strong arms that held me close, made me feel small in the best way. I felt at peace. I felt loved and cared for. Safe in a way I hadn't felt in years.
If only I could see whose arms they were.
Maybe then I could go out and find this mystery man.
Maybe then I'd know what, or rather who, I was searching for.
CHAPTER
FOUR
Simon
I stepped through the back door with the bundle of clothes in my arms and froze.
Three sets of eyes stared at me, each expression showing curiosity—and something else. Amusement, maybe. Knowing.
"I can explain this," I said quickly.
Sean giggled and stuffed a bite of biscuit in his mouth, clearly delighted by whatever he thought he'd discovered. Harlan shook his head and went back to cooking, but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face.
Atticus was the one who spoke up. "Yes, I would love an explanation, especially considering Tanner is asleep upstairs." He paused, letting that settle. "We saw his car, and when I peeked in the room, he was out cold. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"
His eyes flipped down to the clothes in my arms and back up to me as his brow rose.
I closed the door behind me and moved further inside, suddenly feeling like I was under interrogation. It disturbed me how closely he was looking. Like he could see right through me.He'd uncover all the secrets I hadn't yet sorted out myself if he kept staring like that.
"Tanner showed up last night while I was checking on Ginger," I said, keeping my voice even. "She was making a bunch of noise because of the weather.”
