“I’m tired,” I confessed. “It’s the second time I almost died within days.”
His voice was low and insistent. “I won’t let you get hurt.”
I looked into his purple eyes that shone all the brighter in the dark. A firefly flew between us, exploring. It sat on Clanker’s nose. I grinned, and Clanker froze until the bug took off a few seconds later.
“Thank you,” I said. “But the problem is, I don’t know what to do anymore. Do I just let this go and hope for Zenkyoza to lose interest in killing me? I’d have to disappear. Give up my job.”
A familiar guilt squeezed my throat and chest, and I shook my head, knowing it wasn’t an option. I had to repent.
“But you never give up,” Clanker said solemnly, surprising me. Did he know me so well? “And you have a good reason to expose them. The car that killed your mother was a Zenkyoza model, wasn’t it?”
My heart stuttered in the cold grip of my guilt. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
He nodded, and we sat there for a while, watching the fireflies. My body felt heavy and drained now that the tension holding my spine straight was gone. The bench had no back support, so I hunched lower and lower until a steady arm wrapped around my shoulders. Clanker pulled me closer until I leaned on him, and I accepted his support with relief and self-loathing.
“Can we stay here until dawn?” I asked through a huge yawn. “Let’s hope it rains. It would be a free shower.”
“There is an onsen nearby. They have rooms to let.”
“An onsen,” I murmured sleepily. “I always wanted to visit one. Can’t believe I’m finally here, able to do all that stuff that used to be on my bucket list… It’s ironic. I never got a tattoo, did you know? I wanted one, but dreaming about visiting a real onsen held me back. They don’t normally serve people with tattoos. Then I got the scars… Ah, it doesn’t matter. Can you find a cheap hotel somewhere nearby?”
“I’ve already booked a room with a private outdoor bath,” he informed me. “Hold on.”
Before I had time to ask why, I was in his arms, carried evenly down the street toward a sprawling wood-and-stone building surrounded by more firefly-infested hedges. I thought aboutprotesting, but my tongue felt unwieldy in my mouth, and I gave up trying to speak.
Would it be so bad to rest just for one night? I almost got killed, after all. It had to count for something.
I’m sorry, Mom, I whispered in my mind, snuggling closer to my bodyguard.I’ll try again tomorrow.
A smiling tanuki hostess led us to a spacious apartment that encompassed a comfortable living room, a bedroom, a bathroom with a jacuzzi bathtub of all things, and a private patio surrounded by tall fragrant hedges and a wall. The outdoor bath was inlaid with natural brown stone, and the water was clear enough to see the bottom even through the steam. Above, the night sky spread open like a dark canvas dotted with stars, a few fireflies floating gently above the plants. I almost moaned from longing.
This place had to cost a fortune.
Clanker thanked our hostess, giving her an answering bow when she said her farewells. I stared at the private onsen. It was big enough for a few people to sit together comfortably. On a low table by the edge stood a tray with a tea set, steam curling above the spout of a porcelain teapot.
“I can’t afford this,” I said, shaking my head.
He knelt by the tea, pouring me a cup, his back curved as he hid his face.
“It’s my treat,” he said, sounding a bit glum. “And it’s your fault. I have to put you in hotel rooms that are too nice to run away from.”
I sighed and went over to him, crouching by his side. He didn’t look at me, staring at the tea tray instead.
“I’m sorry I ran away. It was very stupid. I won’t do it again. It’s just that I thought Charlie would get you to go back home.”
He turned to me, his eyes bright, mouth pressed into a flat line. “But I promised I’d stay with you, Sera. My word should count for something.”
It felt like a gut punch. I swallowed a sudden urge to defend myself, maybe attack him, and breathed for a moment. Why was this so hard?
You know why.
Only, it didn’t make sense. Being kind to Clanker, treating him like a person, didn’t hurt anyone, and certainly not my dead mother. But it felt like a betrayal. Ever since I got her killed, I repented, and my punishment included turning my back on everything I once loved.
I tried to imagine how a nineteen-year-old Sera would have felt about having a cyborg bodyguard. God. She would have been elated, and she would have never treated him the way I did. Clanker deserved her instead of me, only she died in that car crash with my mother.
I was all who was left.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, only this time, the words were much harder to squeeze out through my throat. “You’re right. You promised. I should have believed you instead of trying to get myself killed.”
