Logan had watched the entire exchange from the edge of the kitchen, the small space making it impossible to miss. He’d been silent as Adrian hugged Itay, holding him close, wiping his tears, the kind of warmth in Adrian’s touch that Logan once knew so well. He’d seen Adrian smile at him—just a faint smile, but it was there. And Logan had stood frozen, unable to decipher the words they shared in Hebrew, his mind spinning with every possible scenario.
He wanted to cross the room, to wrap Adrian in his arms, bury his face in the place he once called home, and hold him like he’d never let go. He wanted to whisper into his ear:I missed you yesterday when you left. I dreamed of you last night. I’ve dreamed of you every night. I wanted to wake up with you in the morning. Every fiber in my body longed for you. I love you. I cannot believe we are here again. I love you. I miss you. I love you. I will never leave again. I will never leave you alone once more, I will never leave you in the silence. I will love you till the day I die.
But Logan didn’t move. His hands stayed clenched at his sides as he wrestled with the demons inside him, trying to keep his emotions in check.
“Hey,” he said finally, his voice low and hesitant.
Adrian didn’t turn around. He picked up two coffee mugs from the counter and walked to the living room. Logan followed him, his heart skipping when Adrian handed him one of the mugs. A faint smile tugged at his lips.He made one for me too,Logan thought, the small gesture thawing something frozen deep inside him.
They sat in silence for a moment, the tension between them heavy but unspoken. Finally, Logan broke it.
“So, Itay?” Logan prompted, his voice strained, as he tried and miserably failed to sound casual. “Are you two… hooking up? Is he… with you?” He almost choked on the words, the thought clawing at him. He would die right here if Adrian were seeing someone else. Even though both Adrian and Dean had told him Adrian wasn’t with anyone, it didn’t mean there wasn’tsomethinghappening. Something casual, something like an arrangement. Maybe not a boyfriend, but friends with benefits. Logan’s stomach churned at the thought, his chest aching.
Adrian sat down on the sofa, his gaze fixed on the ocean beyond the glass doors. For a drawn-out second, he didn’t respond.
“We’re not together,” his tone was flat, stripped of any emotion. “He’s a friend. He comes over from time to time. He… wants to be here for me.”
Adrian paused, his words caught in the quiet struggle of his mind. Untold stories and unspoken fears circled like shadows around him, heavy with emotion. The haunting phrase “Because I’m waiting to die” hovered between them, a specter looming large, while the rhythmic whisper of the ocean’s waves filled the silence, echoing the tumult within.
Adrian inhaled deeply, summoning the strength to continue. “We are friends,” he repeated, as if saying it twice would make it true, or at least easier to believe. “I told him now that… he needs to let me go. He’s still trying, though. He’s been hoping, even though I’ve told him repeatedly.” His voice faltered, a faint crack that betrayed the calm facade he had carefully constructed.
He shifted slightly, his gaze locking with Logan’s. A surge of emotion washed over him as he surrendered to the depths of Logan’s eyes, losing himself in their mesmerizing embrace—finally gazing into the eyes he had been longing to see for so long.
There was no anger in Adrian’s gaze, no bitterness, only an exhausted kindness that cut deeper than any accusation ever could.
“But… I don’t want to see him hurting. I care about him,” Adrian added softly, the words carrying a weight they couldn’t fully hold.
Logan exhaled, but the tension in his chest didn’t ease. He set his coffee mug down on the table and sank closer into the seat beside Adrian. Logan couldn’t help but compare his situation with Itay’s; they had both broken up with Adrian, both had forsaken him. How could they have been so foolish as to let that man go?
Logan glanced at Adrian, his face lit by the fading sunlight, and the longing inside him surged. He wanted to reach out, to pull Adrian close, to say everything he hadn’t said before. But for now, he remained silent, allowing the gentle sounds from the street—laughter, a child’s shriek while playing, and groups gathering at the beach—to fill the space between them, as he awaited the moment when Adrian might finally let him in.
But for how long can a suffocating man deny himself the breath of life?
Logan knew small talk wouldn’t get them anywhere. He took a deep breath, undoing the cuff of his shirt and carefully rolling up the sleeve, revealing the plastic wrapped around his wrist. He noticed the moment Adrian’s eyes fell on it—how they widened slightly, how his gaze sharpened and glued itself to the tattoo beneath the translucent covering.
Adrian reached out before Logan could speak, his movement quick but his touch impossibly gentle. He cradled Logan’s hand, his fingers trembling slightly as he turned Logan’s wrist to examine the tattoo. Logan’s body convulsed as electricity rushed through him, each nerve igniting in a burst of sensation. Adrian’s touch was silky, reverent, but it carried an urgency that sent a warmth coursing through Logan’s chest, striking his heart with a force he hadn’t expected.
A set of whiskey-colored eyes, bright and piercing in the sunlight coming through the large windows, lifted to meet Logan’s. They were wide, almost frantic, and filled with an intensity that sank all the way into Logan’s soul. Logan’s eyes grew tender as he looked at Adrian, love evident in their gentle glow. The quiet affection in his gaze spoke volumes, words unnecessary as he conveyed everything in that single, lingering look.
Adrian’s fingers continued to move over Logan’s wrist, tracing the edges of the plastic and the ink beneath it. It was as though Adrian wasn’t entirely aware of what he was doing, his body responding on instinct, taking the touch he had long denied himself.
The tattoo, though small, held a powerful presence, wrapping around Logan’s wrist just where Adrian’s bracelet once rested. At its heart lay the symbol of the lifesaver, but it was the beautifully inscribed words encircling Logan’s wrist, replacing the former leather thread, that captivated Adrian and steadied his trembling hands:“So when the end draws near, and life leaves you, I’ll be here, waiting to save you.”The words wrapped around Logan’s wrist, etched into his skin and framing the lifesaver symbol like an encore.
Adrian’s heart clenched as the words sank in. He knew them too well—words he had whispered in his darkest moments, promises he had made to himself when he thought he would never see Logan again. His throat tightened as he struggled to breathe, the storm-gray eyes locking onto his with a longing that seemed to ripple through the air like a silent song. In that moment, words felt unnecessary, replaced by the unspoken storm of love and yearning pouring from him.
“Logan,” Adrian whispered, his voice tender, trembling with emotion. He didn’t need to say more. Logan’s lips quirked into a small, soft smile, his eyes never leaving Adrian’s.
Adrian shook his head, his gaze locked on the tattoo that now marked Logan’s wrist. The words, looping around the lifesaver symbol, seemed to pulse with life, anchoring Adrian in the moment. He wanted to touch it, to trace the lines with his fingers, but the redness of Logan’s skin stopped him. Instead, he held Logan’s hand in his, his grip trembling as he spoke.
“Why are you doing this to me, Lo?” Adrian asked, his voice unsteady, shuddering with the weight of his emotions. His eyes didn’t leave the tattoo, as if its existence alone might hold some impossible answer.
“Because I love you,” Logan whispered, his voice steady despite the storm of desperation swirling in his chest. He squeezed Adrian’s hand, leaning forward to place his other hand gently on Adrian’s neck. The warmth of Adrian’s skin against his palm grounded him, made his resolve even stronger. “I’m going to fix you,” Logan said, his silver-gray eyes meeting Adrian’s, full of a love that burned brighter than the fear threatening to consume him.
Adrian shook his head, his lips forming a thin line while tears filled his eyes. “Why not?” Logan asked, desperation in his voice as he fought to keep the panic at bay. He couldn’t lose him—not again. He stroked Adrian’s neck gently, his touch soft but insistent, as if willing Adrian to stay tethered to him. “Why didn’t you start the treatments?”
Adrian’s gaze flicked to Logan’s, his expression distant but raw with emotion. “What for?” he said quietly. “My mom had it too. It killed her in two months. I’ve already had a year, it’s more than she had. I can enjoy that year, at least.”
“But, Ad…” Logan faltered, his words catching in his throat as his mind scrambled for something to say, something to convince him. “It’s not fair.”
