And it was killing him.
Not all at once. But in pieces. Slow, quiet pieces. Taking little things first—the appetite, the strength, the joy—and then bigger things. Adrian’s voice.His laughter. His fight. His hope. And Logan was terrified that by the time this was over…
There would be nothing left.
Logan clenched his eyes shut, a shuddering breath lodged painfully in his chest. Uncertainty washed over him—he felt adrift. Not about Adrian, never about him, but about how to navigate this situation.
Remaining here felt like a wound reopened, while the thought of leaving the room cut even deeper. The very idea of being away from his other half suffocated him.
And then he felt arms wrapped around his waist. A trembling weight pressed into his back, soft and desperate, curling around him like gravity, like surrender. Adrian’s chest shuddered against him, his breath broken, his voice no stronger than shattered glass.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. Don’t go. I’m so sorry.”
Logan froze completely as Adrian clung to him, face buried in his back. Adrian’s arms tightened, holding on desperately, fearing that if he loosened, Logan might walk through that door and never come back, like this time would be the moment when Logan would just disappear from his life.
“I didn’t mean it,” Adrian continued, his voice trembling as he struggled to breathe through tears, cries, and hiccups. “I didn’t mean any of it. I’m sorry.”
Logan could feel the tears soaking through his shirt, could feel the way Adrian’s hands trembled as they clung to him, the desperation pouring out of him in uneven breaths. “I don’t know why I said it. Please don’t go, Lo. I love you so fucking much. I’m so grateful for you. I’m sorry.”
Something cracked open in Logan’s chest. He sucked in a breath, sharp and ragged, his throat burning as emotion pressed up hard behind his ribs. His hand found Adrian’s, fingers sliding over his skin, gentle at first, then gripping tight.
A small, broken sound slipped from his throat. He didn’t even know what it was—a cry, a gasp—as he turned in Adrian’s arms and pulled him in with everything he had, crashing into him with such force it knocked the breath out of both of them. He embraced Adrian’s fragile frame, clutching him so tightly it felt like Logan’s heart was holding him, not just his arms.
Adrian clung back just as hard. His fingers dug into Logan’s back, desperate, trembling. Like he didn’t believe this was real. Like he still expected to be left.
“I missed you,” Logan choked out, his lips pressed against Adrian’s temple. His voice was hoarse, cracked open, his breath shivering between the words. “I missed you so fucking much.”
Adrian made a sound—not quite a sob, not quite anything—just raw feeling caught in his throat. And then he just held him. Held onto him like Logan was the only thing in the world not slipping through his fingers.
“Me too,” he breathed, barely audible. “The thought of you… it’s the only thing that makes being here bearable.”
His hands, still frail but warm, skimmed the back of Logan’s neck, fingertips tracing the shape of him like it was a map—familiar, grounding, something real in a world that felt increasingly fading at the edges.
“But it’s been so long, Lo,” he whispered. “And it looks like it’s gonna be even longer.”
Logan didn’t flinch. He only tightened his arms around Adrian’s waist, steady, unwavering, like he was trying to hold the pieces together with nothing but touch and breath.
And then, in a voice so small it nearly disappeared—
“I keep waiting for you to go.”
Logan’s hand brushed softly against the back of Adrian’s neck, a gentle and rhythmic caress before his fingers glided upward, curling around the soft edge of the knit cap. Adrian had three of these beloved caps. Logan got them for him as gifts from a special place where he had paid a handsome sum for their quality. Adrian cherished them deeply, especially the gray one, which was his favorite. “It reminds me of the color of your eyes,” Adrian had said, as if it were obvious. Little did he know, those words made Logan’s heart skip a beat and the sky change color as he breathed them into existence.
“Why would I go?” Logan whispered, his breath warm against Adrian’s skin.
Adrian let out a bitter, hollow laugh. “Look at me,” he said, and Logan could feel the ache in every syllable. “I’m a joke compared to who I used to be. Stuck in this hospital, in this body that barely works. Why would you stay? That’s the real question. You have more reasons to go than to stay.”
Logan exhaled, a sound full of frustration and disbelief. “You are so damn stupid sometimes.”
Adrian flinched, not from the words, but from how gently they were said. And then Logan’s hand was on his cheek, reverent, slow, like he was touching something sacred. Not a body ravaged by sickness. Not a fading man. ButAdrian.
“You’re my reason to stay,” Logan said, and his voice wasn’t soft now—it wasraw, threaded with something fierce and unshakeable. “You don’t get it, do you? I love you. Even when I’m gone, even when I’m buried in meetings or flying across the country, I’m counting the seconds until I can come back to you. Because Ihaveyou to come back to. You are my home, Adrian. You were my home ever since we met, and you always will be.”
Adrian shuddered, unable to hold back the tears. Logan’s thumb slid across his cheek, warm and steady, and the look in his eyes—that look of undiluted love—shattered whatever defenses Adrian had left.
It was too much. Too much to be seen like this. Too much to belovedlike this.
But it was real. And he held onto it.
