“Kind of,” Adrian said, his voice softer now. “It wasn’t official, but most of the time, when I was home, I stayed at his place. It just made sense.”
Logan felt himself drawing back ever so slightly, his arms loosening around Adrian. Adrian must have felt it, because he quickly turned his head, his voice urgent. “Logan, it wasn’t… it wasn’t like what we have. It wasn’t even close.”
Logan remained quiet, letting him continue.
“I packed up most of my stuff the day we broke up,” Adrian said, his voice tinged with a wistful sadness. “A month later, when I had a leave again, I came back for the rest of it. That’s when he said he wanted to try again. Said he was sorry, that we could make it work.”
“And?” Logan asked, though he already knew the answer.
Adrian shook his head, the corner of his mouth twitching into a faint, sad smile. “I said no, and then… you know.”
Logan didn’t press him further, especially not about what had happened with Adrian’s soldier after that. He knew the story, knew the pain it carried. Instead, he tightened his hold on Adrian again, pressing a soft kiss to the back of his neck.
“That’s it? It was just him?” Logan asked, his voice quiet but laced with curiosity.
Adrian shook his head, his cheeks flushing slightly. “No. I had a few boyfriends before him, but none of it was serious.” He hesitated, then offered a small smile. “I’m more of a relationship kind of guy. I’ve never really liked hooking up. I need the connection, the intimacy. I need the cuddle.” His voice softened, a wistful note creeping in. “I love havingsomeone in my life. Someone to spoil, to think about. Sex means so much more when there’s love behind it.” He shifted slightly, looking down at the waves crashing below. “So, yeah. I had relationships before Itay, but they were shorter. Nothing… nothing that was love.”
Adrian tilted his head, turning just enough to see Logan’s face. The sunlight caught Logan’s features, and Adrian’s breath hitched. He reached out, brushing his fingers over Logan’s arm. “What about you, Lo?”
Logan swallowed, suddenly unsure of how to begin. “Oh, uh… There was Sandy,” he started hesitantly. “We were together for a couple of years.” He dropped his gaze, his voice growing quieter. “I, uh… kind of broke up with her on my way to the airport for this trip.”
Adrian blinked, his brow furrowing in surprise. “Logan…” he started, but Logan cut him off with a small shake of his head.
“There were other girlfriends,” Logan continued, his voice rough with emotion. “But nothing too serious. Never moving in together. Never…”
Adrian nodded in understanding, and Logan pulled him closer, holding onto him as if grounding himself.
“I’m not…” Logan hesitated, his heart pounding as the words fought their way out. “I wasn’t really… attracted to any of them.” The confession left him raw, exposed. He buried his face against Adrian’s shoulder, inhaling deeply before continuing. “I never loved them. Not really. It just… it made sense. Dating the right girl.”
Logan’s voice fractured softly like a fragile branch. He inhaled deeply, anchoring himself with a steadying breath, then gazed upon the distant horizon. In that silent vista, he found the quiet strength to forge on, his spirit whispering through the vast, open sky. “I… I cared about them, as friends, you know? But it was never—” He stopped, his voice faltering. Then he lifted his head, meeting Adrian’s gaze. “It was never like this,” he stressed, his breath quickening, his breath heaving with the effort of his confession.
A heavy silence followed, the sound of the waves filling the space between them.
“For me too,” Adrian admitted softly, his voice breaking as he spoke. He turned his head to face Logan fully, his whisky eyes shining. “I knew after the first day we met… that this—us—would be something different. Something I never even dreamed of having.”
Logan’s chest tightened, tears welling in his eyes. He blinked rapidly, trying to keep them from falling, but his emotions swirled, overwhelming him. “I don’t understand my feelings,” he whispered, his voice trembling. “Everything is too much, too strong. It’s different. And it just keeps growing, bigger and bigger. I’ve never felt this before. Never.”
“I know,” Adrian said, his voice filled with quiet pain. He closed his eyes, his jaw tightening as he tried to hold himself together.
Logan took a shaky breath, trying to find the right words, trying to give voice to the storm inside him. “I… I’m attracted to you, obviously,” he began, his voice faltering. “I have feelings for you, Ad. Feelings I’ve never had for anyone before. Not once in my life.”
Adrian’s fingers, which had been tracing slow patterns on Logan’s hands, froze. He nodded, his eyes still closed, as if bracing himself for what Logan would say next.
“And you’re a man,” Logan said softly, the words almost lost in the wind. “Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me. It’s just a fact. But other times…” He paused, struggling to continue, his voice breaking. “Other times, it throws me off. It confuses me. And this tiny fact, it’s so small, but it’s…” He trailed off, shaking his head, unable to finish. “Was I always attracted to men? Am I also attracted to women? I do not know the answers to those questions.”
Logan placed a hand on his chest, his voice soaring once more, brimming with fresh, diaphanous emotion. “It’s like I’ve known you my whole life. Like you’re a part of me, tangled up in my soul in a way I can’t ever undo. And it’s only been a few months, but I already don’t know how to exist without you. The chemistry we have, the way you make me feel, everything is explosive. And sometimes I wonder…” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I wonder if I was even alive before I met you.”
Adrian turned to face him fully now, his eyes wide and brimming with emotion, his lips parting as if to speak.
“I feel you here,” Logan said, pressing his palm against his chest, his voice trembling. “Physically. Like you’re a part of me. And you’re a man.” He laughed softly, shaking his head. “It’s stupid, but I wonder what it says about me.”
Adrian reached up, cupping Logan’s face in his hands, his touch tender and grounding. “Logan,” he uttered. “It doesn’t matter what it says about you. What matters is what we feel. What we have.” He leaned in, pressing his forehead against Logan’s, their breaths mingling. “I don’t care about labels. I care about you. Just you.”
Logan tightened his hold, resting his head on Adrian’s shoulder. He couldn’t bring himself to meet Adrian’s gaze as he whispered his next words, his voice trembling. “Tell me you feel it too,” he breathed. He knew the answer deep within his soul, hidden in the silent language of Adrian’s gaze. Yet, a longing stirred within him, an aching desire for verbal reassurance, a desperate need to be certain that, amidst the tumultuousstorm that was them, Adrian was in the same place, on the same page, throbbing for him.
Adrian nodded, his head pressing against Logan’s chest. But somehow, nodding didn’t feel like enough. His throat felt tight, choked with emotion, but he forced himself to speak. “I do, Logan,” he murmured. “I’ve never felt like this either.”
Logan let out a shaky breath, relief spreading through him. The weight of his overwhelming feelings lightened just enough to allow him to move. He brushed his lips against Adrian’s neck, his touch hesitant but tender. He felt Adrian shudder beneath him, and the sensation sent electricity coursing through Logan’s veins, setting his entire body alight.
