When he finished, Zack leaned back slightly, exhaling a low, drawn-out “Wow.” His expression was a mixture of shock and something softer, aquiet understanding that made Logan’s chest ache even more. “Hey… his name,” Zack started slowly, his voice careful. “Is it Adrian?”
Logan paled, his breath catching. He nodded hesitantly, his heart pounding.
“Remember when you got really, really drunk…? You wouldn’t go home. You said his name. You called for him… and cried.” Zack’s voice was quiet, almost hesitant, as though he were unsure how much to reveal. He withheld the truth from Logan about that fateful night, concealing the depth of his despair, the way he had crumbled as he cried out for Adrian, each utterance threading his very being together. He had pleaded with Zack, urging him to take him to Adrian, his voice breaking as he repeated that name, as though it were the linchpin of his existence.
Logan recalled it vividly, the moment he awoke at Zack’s place for the first time, realizing the extent of his own foolishness in that heart-wrenching situation. He remembered Zack mentioning that he had called for Adrian.
Logan blinked, trying to clear that memory. He reached instinctively for his wrist, for the bracelet that was no longer there, the emptiness sharp and unbearable. He fumbled for his phone instead, pulling it from his pocket. His hands shook as he scrolled, searching, until he found what he was looking for.
He handed the phone to Zack, his voice barely above a whisper. “Here, this… this is his song.”
Zack hesitated for a moment, then took the phone. He pressed play, and the room filled with the soft, haunting melody. Logan closed his eyes as the music washed over him, the notes carrying him back to Adrian, to the life they had shared, and the love he had lost.
Logan watched as Zack’s gaze fixed on the screen, his expression shifting into something close to awe as he listened to the song. The soft melody filled the room, weaving through the silence like a ghost of a memory, carrying with it the weight of everything Logan had lost. When the video ended, Zack handed the phone back, his face still etched with amazement and something heavier, sadness, perhaps, or understanding.
“I saw it for the first time that night,” Logan murmured, his fingers closing around the phone. His voice was distant, like he was speaking more to himself than to Zack. “I kind of… lost it.”
“Yeah,” Zack spoke softly, his voice thick with distress. “I can see why.”
Logan stared at the phone in his hands, the screen now dark. His thumb traced the edges absently as he continued. “The day after it was uploaded to his Facebook page, he deleted the account,” he murmured, his voice low and pained.
Zack frowned, his brows knitting together as something clicked in his mind. The day after. It hit him; the memory of Logan lurching into the bar that night, his eyes glassy, his movements frantic. The night Logan had kissed him for the first time. The night they’d had sex for the first time in the middle of the bar.
It had always been about Adrian.
The realization settled heavily on Zack’s chest, tightening the air around them. The room felt impossibly quiet, save for the faint hum of vibrations from Logan’s phone as another ignored message came through.
They lingered in silence, enveloped in an unspoken tension that stretched on, leaving them both at a loss for words. Zack leaned back into the plushness of the couch, his arms folded tightly, and his jaw locked in a hard line. Across from him, Logan swiped a weary hand across his face, thefatigue evident in his slumped shoulders, rendering him almost diminutive and fragile in a way that Zack had never witnessed before.
Finally, Logan broke the silence. “So when you threw the bracelet…” His voice faltered, cracking as he tried to find the words. “It was like you were throwing him away. Like you were throwing Adrian. I…” He took a shaky breath, his fingers curling into his palms. “I used that bracelet to… to hold on. I don’t know how else to say it. I always felt like, as long as I had it on, I’d be okay. Like it was keeping me from falling apart. Keeping me breathing. It was my safety net.”
His voice broke entirely, and he wiped at the tears that spilled over. “It wasn’t just the bracelet, though,” he continued, his words thick with emotion. “It was Adrian. It felt like he was there, keeping me safe, even after everything I’d done. Even after I left him. It was stupid, I know, but it felt like… like he was still watching over me. Like I hadn’t completely lost him.”
“It’s not stupid,” Zack reassured, his voice steady. Logan looked up, startled by the certainty in Zack’s tone.
Their eyes met, and in that fleeting moment, Logan perceived no judgment or anger, only the embrace of understanding lingered between them. He nodded slowly, a tightness clenching his throat as the weight of sharing this piece of Adrian with another began to lift. It was as if, by vocalizing his memories, Logan could feel Adrian’s essence still mingling in the air, intertwining their spirits. As words spilled forth, Adrian sprang to vibrant life within Logan’s mind, each recollection a stunning flash of electricity. Articulating these memories was akin to a resurrection, drawing Adrian nearer, weaving him into the fabric of the room as if he occupieda seat beside them. In that moment, Logan felt exposed yet liberated, experiencing a humanity that had eluded him for years.
“So… do you want us to try again?” Logan asked after some time, his voice almost a whisper. “From the beginning?”
“What?” Zack burst, his voice sharp, his eyes narrowing. “What the hell are you talking about?”
Logan faltered but pressed on, his gaze steady despite Zack’s tone. “The other day, you said it felt wrong because I was married. So, I told my wife. As we speak, I’m pretty sure Sandy is printing out the divorce papers.” He tried to manage a half-smile, but it faltered under Zack’s unrelenting stare.
“No. No, no,” Zack said, shaking his head emphatically. His voice was firm, almost scolding. “God, you’re such a fool, Logan. Even after everything you just told me, you still don’t get it, do you?”
“Get what?” Logan asked, his brows furrowing in confusion.
Zack sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair before standing. “You’re still in love with him! Two years later, and you’re still in love with Adrian.”
Logan opened his mouth to argue, but Zack cut him off with a sharp gesture. “No, don’t. Don’t even try to deny it. It’s written all over you. Hell, it’s in the way you talk about him. I seriously don’t know how Adrian could stand you when you’re so blind, so in denial. It’s like you’ve been keeping your eyes closed on purpose.”
“Zack—” Logan started, his voice defensive.
“No, Logan. Listen to me.” Zack’s voice softened slightly, but his intensity didn’t waver. “Go find him. Please. You don’t want to be with me. You want him.” Zack pointed toward the door, his meaning clear, though Logan didn’t move, still rooted to the couch.
Seeing Logan hesitate, Zack sighed and sat back down beside him. His tone softened further, gentler now, as though addressing a child. “Look, Logan. I know what we were doing wasn’t… great. And I let it happen because, yeah, you were gay and married to a woman. I’m not proud of it, but at least I knew where we stood. But I won’t be with you when it’s clear as day that you’re still in love with someone else. You don’t need me. You need to fix this thing with him.”
Logan dropped his gaze, shame flickering across his features. “He won’t even look at me after what I’ve done,” he whispered, shaking his head. “I burned that bridge the day I left.”
